Marryin' & Buryin': How Much Should I Pay the Pastor?

I decided that the best time to write this post was when I didn't anticipate anyone in the church I pastor needing it. Yeah, I know, that sounds silly - but I wanted to make sure that no one felt as if I was critiquing and/or counting on a particular dollar amount from them.

With that said, I'll try to answer some questions you might have about the odd strange world of "honorariums" and "love offerings".

Honorarium is a weird word - it sounds like "aquarium"?! - so what does it mean?

Merriam-Webster defines honorarium as "a payment for a service (as making a speech) on which custom or propriety forbids a price to be set." And it has nothing to do with tropical fish.

OK, that makes sense - but what in the world is a "love offering"? 

 Generally, a love offering is a collection of money above & beyond the church's normal giving to help out a particular ministry or individual. Jon Acuff's Stuff Christians Like blog does a lovely (if sarcastic) job of explaining how it works:

For those who don’t know, a love offering is kind of a “volunteer offering” the church takes up during special occasions like when a puppet group from Guam (named Strings of Mercy) is performing at your church. It’s really not that voluntary though because if you don’t contribute anything you’re essentially telling everyone you’re sitting near that your heart is not full of love. By not putting a couple of bucks in the offering plate you’re actually putting in a big fistful of hate. I wish when the ushers collected a love offering they would say out loud when someone didn’t give, “Oh, you don’t have any love for the magical world of puppetry? I guess love your neighbor doesn’t mean anything to you. Fine.”

In the particular situations we're talking about (paying a pastor for a wedding or a funeral), the phrase "love offering" is used as the spiritualized equivalent of "honorarium".

Isn't the pastor already paid by their church? 

 I hate to say "it depends" - but, well, it depends. While many pastors (including myself) are full-time (meaning that leading my church is my only job), many others are bivocational - meaning they work part-time for the church while working part- or full-time at some other job as well. In addition, you have to remember that weddings & funerals are interruptions in a "normal" ministry schedule. 

Interruptions?! Seriously? Do you know how offensive that sounds - as if you can't be bothered with this celebration or crisis in my family!? 

 Yes, I do realize how offensive it sounds... so let me explain. The day-to-day leadership of a church - preparing to speak once (or more) per week, contacting visitors & those who are in need, counseling, meeting with key leaders & staff, etc. - is a full-time job. (For example, my preparation time for each weekly sermon/message - which is spread out over several weeks - usually runs between 8-15 hours... and that's before I get up to speak.) 

 While the honor of being asked to officiate at a wedding or a funeral is one of the great privileges of ministry, the time it takes to prepare & perform those duties has to either shortchange my regular ministry work and/or my time with my family. 

How much time?

It differs from situation to situation, but I can give you some rough estimates.

For a wedding:

• 4-6 hours of premarital counseling with the couple
• 3-4 hours of preparation of the wedding sermon
• 2-3 hours to officiate at the wedding rehearsal & attend the dinner afterward
• 2-6 hours to officiate at the wedding & attend the festivities following

That's a minimum of 10 or so hours... with 12-15 hours being the most likely for in-town wedding.

For a funeral:

• 1-2 hours meeting with the family prior to the funeral
• 3-6 hours of preparation for the funeral message(s) & service(s)
• 1-6 hours to officiate at the funeral and be with the funeral (timing dependent on the number of services & wake/meal following)

That's a minimum of 5 or so hours... with 10-12 hours being the most likely for in-town funerals.

So, like I pointed out earlier, your average pastor loses either a work day or a day off in order to do a proper & respectful job of officiating at these events. And if the wedding or funeral is out of town, that just adds to the time he gives to the family.

It takes you that long to prepare a funeral or wedding message? Don't you just trot out the same thing each time?
Well, yes, it does take me that long, and no, I don't reuse the same messages over & over. While I often return to the same passages of Scripture (1 Corinthians 13 is a favorite of mine at weddings), I try to personalize each message to fit the couple "gettin' hitched" or the life of the person being buried.

For example, I did a wedding last year where I knew the bride & groom because of boardgaming - so I made references to marriage being the ultimate cooperative game (along with other connections & references).

So, back to the original question... based on what you've told me, how much should I pay the pastor?

As a starting point, you should think about paying him for his time - in California (the state where I live) the minimum wage is $8.00/hour. So, a bottom-end low-ball number for 10 hours of work would be $80.

Of course, that's the same amount that someone would get for running the fryer at the local McDonald's... and you definitely don't want a high school kid performing your wedding. So, you should also consider his experience & training. Unless you have a younger minister, chances are pretty good that they've officiated at a number of weddings and funerals & can offer a level of wisdom & background that has some kind of dollar value.

I actually don't have a definite number in mind - I personally have been paid as little as, well, nothing (zero, zilch, nada) and as much as $500. And while those numbers sometimes have related to the size of the ceremony and/or the wealth of those participating, some of the most generous honorariums (and some of the least generous) have been a complete surprise to me.

The church we're using has a fee for the pastor. Won't that be enough?

It could be - but that depends on the amount of the fee. I've seen some churches charge as little as $50... my own church has a "suggested amount" of $100.

You might want to consider giving the pastor something above & beyond that set number.

I've invited the pastor & his wife to the rehearsal dinner - isn't that part of his payment?

Not to put too fine a point on it... but no. There are two issues with rehearsal dinners:

1. Unless the pastor is someone who would have already come to the rehearsal dinner (a family member or close friend), you have created for them another ministry opportunity. It's not a nice meal out (and sometimes, depending on the caterer, it's not a nice meal period) with his spouse - it's another 90 minutes or so of work.
2. In some cases, pastors officiate at services where they know only the bride & the groom and/or a family member or two. Again, this is not a night on the town - it's hard work to strike up conversations & make connections.

By all means, invite your pastor to your rehearsal dinner - particularly if you have a strong connection with him. But don't be offended if he has to decline or slip out early... and don't count that meal as part of his payment. 

In a related subject, please pay your pastor's travel expenses (for an out-of-town ceremony) without counting that as a part of the honorarium. (Note: I've had a number of very pleasant experiences with this - staying in hotels much nicer than I would have chosen for myself or being flown to alternate destinations to help me out - I'm not speaking from personal bad experience here.)

I'm a member of his church - shouldn't I get these services for free?

Before I try & answer that, I want to ask you a question - are you giving to the church? In other words, when you say you're a "member", do you mean that you attend that church & throw a couple of bucks in the plate each week... or are you someone who gives generously of their time, talent & treasure?

Now, I start there because I've found in my nearly 30 years of ministry that folks who support their churches financially almost never ask this question. The people who want the church and/or the pastoral staff to "provide services" are usually the least likely to give on a regular basis.

With that said, it's really up to the individual minister. I don't require anyone to pay me - if asked, I explain that they are welcome to give me an honorarium, but the amount is up to them.

Any final thoughts?

This is going to sound really "church-y", so I'll just note that, apologize (sorry) and go on. I think you should prayerfully consider how you can bless the pastor that officiates the wedding or funeral for you.

I welcome your thoughts, questions & comments on the subject.

For some suggestions on enjoying your wedding day, you're welcome to check out my post entitled Pastoral Advice for Engaged Meeples.