30 Years Ago - "You Belong With Me"

Thirty years ago, I took this cute girl from our college Bible study group out to see Tim Miner in concert at Footloose. 

Glossary for those not from the 80s and familiar with CCM

• Tim Miner... incredibly talented "white soul" Christian artist who had put out one of the more groove-heavy albums of late 80s CCM
• Footloose... a Christian "nightclub" in the Dallas/Fort Worth area (basically, just down the freeway from the airport) 
• Tim Miner AT Footloose... since his home church was in Rockwall, TX (just an hour or so away), he had a full band and dancers... it was an awesome show

That cute girl said "yes" to a second date... and then there was the dating... and then, a little over a year later, she said "yes" to marrying me... and the love of my life really is the love of my life. 

But since this was originally intended to be a part of my "Christian Music From the 80s That Is Still Good" series of posts, I give you "our song" - from one of the more iconoclastic CCM artists ever, Tonio K. I put it on a mixtape for Shari Jo - and it still makes me smile every time I hear it.

For 80s music fans, the female vocalist with Tonio is Maria McKee (from Lone Justice). And there's a great article about the Romeo Unchained album here.

Two o'clock

The moon is down

We say goodnight

You're headed for bed across town

We haven't even known each other that long

But it doesn't even matter

When you leave it feels all wrong

You belong with me

Darlin' we belong together

And every time you leave

It's obvious we're still connected

You live in your world

And I live in mine

But the collision of worlds is just a matter of time

You belong with me

Now I can tell

You're so afraid

You've been lied to and taken for granted

And treated like some kind of slave

I'm not after your freedom, i'm after your heart

And I know it's gonna happen

And I knew it from the start

What happens to people in love is some kind of mystery

But what passes for love on the streets these days is a joke

So when people like us finally stumble into each other

We've got to hold on tight and never let go

25 Wonderful Years: A Box Score

25 years ago (June 16th, 1990), I married Shari Jo Becknal. Right after giving my heart and life to Jesus Christ, it's the best decision I've made in my life. 

In those 25 years, we've experienced the following:

2 fantastic sons

• Braeden
• Collin

4 states lived in

• Arkansas
• Tennessee (twice)
• California
• Texas

7 cars

• Honda Accord
• Nissan Sentra
• Honda Civic
• Acura LX
• Honda Odyssey
• Chevy Malibu
• Honda Civic

7 trips to Disney parks

• Disneyland 1992
• Walt Disney World 1996
• Walt Disney World 2000
• Disneyland 2003
• Disneyland 2007
• Disneyland 2008
• Disneyland 2012

8 homes

• the duplex in Fordyce, AR
• the duplex in Inglewood, TN
• the apartment in Antioch, TN
• the house in Antioch, TN
• the parsonage in Easton, CA
• Mark’s house in Conroe, TX
• Buster & Sheridyn’s house in Inglewood, TN
• the duplex in Goodlettsville, TN

9 churches

• Shady Oaks Baptist Church (Hurst, TX)
• First Baptist Church (Fordyce, AR)
• Dalewood Baptist Church (Inglewood, TN)
• BCC (Bellevue, TN)
• the church @ hickory hollow (Antioch, TN)
• Fellowship Bible Church (Brentwood, TN)
• NewLife Community Church (Easton, CA)
• C3 (Conroe, TX)
• Grace Church (Hendersonville, TN

13 jobs

• youth minister (Fordyce)
• substitute teacher (Fordyce)
• youth pastor (Dalewood)
• daycare driver (Hendersonville)
• teacher (Wright Middle School)
• church planter (tc@hh)
• JC Penney (1997-98)
• tutor (Sylvan Learning Center)
• JC Penney (2002)
• fulfillment warehouse
• senior pastor (NewLife)
• Legislative Information Services
• Deputy Director (TDOE)

25 states visited

• Alabama
• Arizona
• Arkansas
• California
• Colorado
• Florida
• Georgia
• Illinois
• Kentucky
• Louisiana
• Maryland
• Missouri
• Nevada
• New Mexico
• North Carolina
• Ohio
• Oklahoma
• Oregon
• South Carolina
• Tennessee
• Texas
• Utah
• Virginia
• Washington
• Wisconsin

Compiling a box score of our twenty-five years together is a lot of fun - especially for someone like me who tracks how many times he’s played each game. But it doesn’t begin to adequately describe the wonder & joy of spending literally half of my life with Shari Jo, the love of my life.

Besides, I’ve completely lost count of the number of times she's taken my breath away.

Five years ago, I wrote a blog post about our romance and wedding that I'd love for you to read - 20 Years ("It Did"). It's a perfect companion piece to this post.

Classic: Pastoral Advice for Engaged Meeples

I originally wrote this advice to a trio of gamer friends (from the Gulf Games family) that were getting married back in 2006. Since it's June and the wedding season is upon us, I thought I'd share it with y'all...

Note for non-gamers: a "meeple" is a wooden playing piece that looks like a person. 

Note for gamer couples: the bride/groom giant meeples in the picture are available from MeepleSource.

Allow me to offer a bit of professional advice to you guys (I've officiated a few of these in my "official" capacity):

1. You will not make everyone happy - don't try. Choose events/symbols/music/etc. that will be meaningful to you & your future spouse.

2. This ought to be a joyous time... when it stops being fun, take a break from the planning. Remember, the objective is NOT putting on a wedding, it's building a lifetime of marriage.

3. Find someone you trust to run the show... and then let them. Good wedding coordinators are worth their weight in gold. Even if you don't choose to hire a pro, choose a trusted friend who can know all the details & stage-managed the ceremony. They may not get to wear a gaudy dress, but you'll be saying "thank you" to them for years as they will deal with the 1000 little goofy things that happen so you can concentrate on enjoying your wedding.

4. If you're going to take pictures after the wedding, feed your guests while they wait for you. Don't set them in a room with a big honkin' cake and make them wait w/out munchies. It makes 'em surly.

5. Talk clearly with the pastor about what you do & do not want in your ceremony - IF you plan ahead, he can run the rehearsal smoothly. Here's the deal... extra family members are NOTORIOUS for coming up with new ideas for seating arrangement, entrance orders, when certain elements should be in the ceremony, etc, during the rehearsal. What I do is say at the beginning of the rehearsal, "___ & ____ have sat down with me and we've planned out the ceremony. All we're doing tonight is making sure everybody knows their places. We won't be discussing details - that's taken care of already! Besides, the quicker we get through this rehearsal, the faster we get to go eat expensive food while the groom's family picks up the check!"

6. GET PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING. Love is wonderful - I still love Shari Jo very much - but ooey-gooey love is pretty much worthless when you bounce your first check on your joint account. It's important to talk through big issues (money, sex, expectations, beliefs about God, how to run the house, roles of husbands & wives, children - when/how many/etc.) BEFORE you get married. This won't end the discussion of these topics (ask & I'll tell you about Shari and I taking a vacation to argue about when to have our first baby) but it will give you a much better chance in dealing with them. Pre-marital counseling is worth paying for... if your pastor is a nice guy but his counseling consists mainly of him telling stories, go hire a counselor!

7. Everything goes better with God involved. (Don't want to get too preachy, but I know all three of you know what I'm talking about. Don't leave Him out of your planning or counseling or dating or whatever.)

8. Once you get within 48 hours of the ceremony, let it all go. If it's going to happen, it will. Leave it in the hands of your coordinator, pastor & close family. Strap yourself in and enjoy the ride.

9. If videotape doesn't bother you, have lots of it taken. And people with still cameras. You won't remember who is at the wedding 2 days later if you don't take pictures - it will all be a blur. Besides, if something wacky happens, you might be able to win cash on one of those video clip shows.

10. Only fight for the things that are non-negotiables... in my case, I didn't want us extinguishing the individual candles in our unity candle. (I'll explain if anyone likes, but suffice it to say, the symbolism was important to me.) I didn't argue about flower choices,dresses, schedule, and a lot of other things. That minimized friction AND helped me get what I wanted on something that really mattered to me.

11. Honeymoon planning... choose somewhere you can go and enjoy that doesn't have (a) a schedule you feel you like have to keep, or (b) stuff that you\'ve spent so much money on that you feel like you have to "go go go" to not waste it. You need to be able to set the agenda based on how you're feeling, how romantic the two of you are (isn't that subtly put?!), and with an eye towards recuperation. (Weddings are hard work!) For me, a trip to Walt Disney World would be a lousy honeymoon, even though I love WDW. I'd feel compelled to go & do rather than slow down & enjoy my bride. Think about creating memories through small gifts, moments of discovery (finding a little out of the way place to eat, a beautiful waterfall, a stolen kiss in the rain, etc.) rather than through a grandiose trip.

Tim & Rob & Kristen & Me

I've spent the month of October preaching about marriage... and I'm not done yet. We've talked about:

• not giving up (statistically, unhappiness in marriage now doesn't mean you'll be unhappy later)
• biblical submission (which starts not with figuring out "who's in charge?" but with submitting to Christ)
• being best friends (living out the 35+ "one another" commands toward each other)
• speaking the truth in love (letting your spouse speak into your life)

In the next couple of weeks, I'll speak about:

• the dangers of "keeping score"
• the difference between consumer & covenant marriage (with a big tip o'the hat to Tim Keller for so succinctly writing/teaching on this)

Speaking of Tim Keller, a particular passage in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, has been nibbling at the edge of my brain since I read it... and while it's unlikely it'll make it into one of the upcoming sermons, I thought it would be worth sharing with you guys.

One of the most widely held beliefs in our culture today is that romantic love is all important in order to have a full life but that it almost never lasts. A second, related belief is that marriage should be based on romantic love. Taken together, these convictions lead to the conclusion that marriage & romance are essentially incompatible, that is it cruel to commit people to lifelong connection after the inevitable fading of romantic joy. 

I see the same thing Tim Keller sees - a culture that worships romantic love (just take a look at the public obsession with Rob Pattinson & Kristen Stewart) but is convinced that it will burn out and/or blow away. (Again, Rob & Kristen are worth referencing.)

Note: for those of you who live under a pop-culture rock, these two are the leads for the Twilight series of films whose off-screen relationship has been tabloid fodder for years. If you're older (than me, I guess), think Richard Burton & Elizabeth Taylor times ten.

Biblical marriage offers so much more than this. It's not devoid of passion or romance - for those who question that, your homework assignment is to read Song of Songs. In addition to those wonderful gifts of God, it is anchored in the love of Christ - a love the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 describes in this way:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

And it's not cruel to commit people to a lifetime of that kind of marriage... is it?

Framing the Conversation: Is There An Echo In Here? Redux

This is the third time I've posted this excerpt from Framing the Conversation: How To Get Kicked Out of a Gaming Group... and in light of yesterday's decision by Judge Walker about Prop. 8, it's time to post it once again. It was originally written the night of the election back in 2008.

I want to speak specifically to those who declare themselves as followers of Christ. We have a huge responsibility tonight, esp. in regards to Proposition 8.

If Prop. 8 passes, we have to live out the love for gays & lesbians we've talked about... there is NO ROOM for gloating in the gospel of Jesus Christ. These people are not second-class citizens, to be loved only if they "mend their ways" - they are created in God's image & loved so much by God that He sent Jesus to die for them (and for us!). To do the church-y equivalent of "Hey, Hey, Goodbye" is a sick perversion of the love of Jesus Christ...

If Prop. 8 is defeated, we must still live out the love of Jesus Christ in a political situation that is not friendly to our values. I can not state it emphatically enough - this does NOT justify us behaving in an unfriendly manner to homosexuals or those who support same-sex marriage. If we're gonna call ourselves "biblical Christians", then we better live like it.

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4:5-6, NIV)

If someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. (1 Peter 3:15-16, NLT)

The most important thing today is not the election of a particular candidate - no one person will usher in the Kingdom of God. (Well, one will, but He's not running this year.) Nor is it the passing of a proposition - law can compel moral behavior but it has no power over the heart. It is far more important that the world around us see followers of Jesus living in the grace & power of Jesus Christ.

A couple of closing suggestions:

• Strike the phrases "activist judge(s)" (for you conservatives) and "fundamentalist Puritans" (for you not-so-conservatives) from your vocabulary. While there may be some truth to this in some situations, it makes us sound like little kids (or certain unnamed adult gamers) who start accusing people of cheating the minute they start losing. (In gamer terms, this is similar to arguing that a game is "broken" because you couldn't win it using the strategy you thought you should be able to use. Pathetic.)
• Stop gloating/whining. The process isn't done yet (the decision may or may not survive appeals) and we just don't know what is or isn't going to happen.

And a final thought... the best thing you can do to support marriage is to do everything in your power to have a great marriage and/or support those around you in doing the same.

Framing the Conversation: Dr. Baird & Big Love

There are a number of reasons that I became an English major:

1. I love to read.
2. I love to write.
3. I'm one of those wacky folks who think Shakespeare & Chaucer (in Middle English) are fun.
4. I hated math SO much that I had to find a major that wouldn't require me to take any more math classes.

And that's how I ended up taking Logic as a substitute for my one mathematics requirement - though it doesn't explain why I thought it was a good idea to take Logic as a MWF 8 am class... or why the Powers That Be (at Baylor) had decided to put this class in a windowless room in the basement of Tidwell.

I fought to stay awake three days a week while Dr. Baird lectured us on syllogisms & other logical things... one of the few things I remember is when we talked about logical fallacies in arguments.

Which is where my thinking went last night as I tried to sort out the torrent of thoughts pouring through my brain. (I apologize for the trip through my brain... but it's the best way for us to get where I think we need to be going.)

• "So, if marriage is redefined as 'whoever wants to be married', what's next?"
• "Oh, wait a minute, I'm not supposed to ask 'what's next', cuz that's a slippery slope towards the logical fallacy of the slippery slope."
• "Ah, but the slippery slope is NOT wondering what may come next - it's assuming (making a donkey out of you & me, btw) that whatever you fear WILL come next."
• "OK, that means I can suggest that polygamy could be next when it comes to the redefiniton of marriage."

Which is the point where some of you start calling me a hate-mongering so-and-so... that I'm painting some kind of horror show picture in an attempt to sway impressionable voters. Look, I don't hate people who've chosen (or believe they have no choice) to express their sexuality as a homosexual. This isn't about frightening people - it's about thinking through the consequences of our actions as a society.

I'll go so far as to tell you that voting for Prop. 8 simply because you're scared of the cast of HBO's Big Love moving in next door to you is a bad idea. That's on par with voting for McCain because you've heard Obama is a Muslim. (He isn't, btw.) We should never be defined by what we're against - instead, we should be defined by what we're for.

Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

Framing the Conversation: Reset Button

Jon asked (in the comments section of the blog):

I can see that it would be surprising if God redefined marriage. However, why does it matter if the government redefines it? I don't recall a single instance in the Bible where marriage is defined by the government.

There isn't one. (Ding - first point goes to Jon.)

But what government chooses to legalize & support does make a difference. (Ding - point to me.)

If it doesn't, then why are so many people getting ready to pop a vein over whether we elect Senator Obama or Senator McCain as president tomorrow? Each one of them will make decisions & sign legislation that will make legal or illegal a variety of activities. They will implement policies that support various causes & industries... and will set the agenda not only for what we discuss about those issues but also how we discuss them.

Historically, we can look at certain government decisions & see the powerful effect of what state or federal government chooses to legalize or support.

• Our discussions about welfare & taxation are completely different now than they were in the 1920's, prior to Roosevelt's New Deal policies.
• The choice of then-Governor Reagan to sign "no-fault divorce" into law created a very different world for the stability of marriage.
• Brown v. Board of Education & the Civil Rights Act of 1964 forced vast reforms not only in the South but throughout the country - and the various ways we have attempted to implement that enlightened view of race continue to permeate our political discourse (affirmative action, racial quotas, school busing, the over-representation of African-Americans in our prison population, etc.)

So, while I understand your question, I think the two points you've made are not connected. The fact that the Bible does not speak to the redefinition of marriage by another society is not germane to the plain fact that government action can (and in some cases should) reset the public agenda.

Framing the Conversation: Gallery

Well, the election is just a few days away, so I figured I might make it easier for those of you who have to vote here in California (and some of you who don't live here in the state) to read a series of posts I wrote about same-sex marriage. I entitled the posts "Framing the Conversation" as it was/is my intention to help drive up the quality of discourse, rather than lower it to name-calling & finger-pointing.

The first post was entitled Sushi & Molotov Cocktails - and it's a heartfelt plea for a reasoned view of tolerance.

That means that I can express an opinion about behaviors or beliefs that conflict with someone else's opinion... that's a disagreement, not intolerance. Intolerance would be me finding ways to silence another person before they could speak about those beliefs... or punishing them for doing so.

The second post had the unwieldy title of How to Get Yourself Fired From an Ultra-Traditional SBC Church - it deals with the nature of sexual sin, working to broaden the discussion beyond the barricades war of "gays vs. straights."

This means that we have to approach the conversation in a different way - this is NOT about "homosexuality vs heterosexuality." It is about marriage between a man & a woman vs a plethora of lesser & more destructive options - one of those being same-sex marriage.

Post #3 was entitled NPR Says It Better Than Me and was actually a short post with a link to a very well-written story on NPR's website about the fallout from the redefinition of marriage.

I know that many of you who read this blog - esp. those of you who are bothered by my stance on same-sex marriage - are sure that I've been watching too much Fox News & O.D.ing on re-broadcasts of Focus on the Family.

Please read the following story, Gay Rights, Religious Liberties: A Three-Act Story, at NPR.org.

The fourth post in the series referenced Seinfeld with it's title, Elaine & Puddy - and was an attempt to talk about why I'm talking about this stuff.

Here's the deal... the reason I'm still writing about same-sex marriage is the same reason Dan was writing about hell. If I truly believe that any kind of sexual behavior outside of one man/one woman marriage is sinful & destructive, then if I love people, I'm going to speak up about it.

You may not like what I have to say - you may disagree violently. Heck, you may agree with me but wish I hadn't brought it up because you don't want to think about it or deal with it. But you need to understand that the motivation behind this is NOT hating homosexuals but loving people (hopefully with Christ's love) and wanting them to have the best possible shot at holiness, happiness & wholeness.

The fifth post, Kodak Moment, took us in another direction, as I tried to explain the spiritual significance to evangelicals for a traditional definition of marriage.

So, if that's the picture in the Bible, citing marriage between a man & a woman as a "great mystery" that gives us a picture of the relationship of Christ & His church... should it really be a surprise that redefining marriage is problematic to some of us?

Post #6 had a shout-out title for Dick Clark, It's Got A Good Beat & I Can Dance To It - I'll Give It An 85 - but probably doesn't make me real popular with the more conservative members of my reading audience. Here, I argued that one of the ways we are advocating for Prop 8 is, at best, problematic.

Those of us who support a Biblical view of marriage have to deal with this stuff - we must make our cases without accusing judges of usurping power... when historically, that's the role we have asked the judiciary to play in this country. We've put the courts in the position of the kids on American Bandstand - listen to a snippet & rate the record. It's not fair to accuse them of hijacking the legal system when we're the ones who gave them the headphones.

There's a profound difference between saying that the court acted unwisely or that the principles they used (sexuality as a protected class, for example) are bad law... and saying that the court acted illegally.

The seventh post was entitled My Atheist Friend Has It Right - and he does. This time around, i looked at the ridiculously skewed media coverage of the debate.

Yes, you read that right. In the Los Angeles Times newsroom, 19 percentage points constitute slim, narrow, bare majorities. Gosh, I wonder how the story would be played if the opposite results were found. I know, as Barbie says, that math is hard. But this is truly inexcusable and the Times’ cheerleading in support of same-sex marriage is anything but journalism.

The eighth post, Worms & Jail, was an answer to the question of how the church responds to laws it finds in opposition to the Bible.

When or if we are forced to disobey, we need to do so with great care & godliness. Our disobedience should focus solely on the law in question & not be rebellion against the government or an attempt to use the power of numbers to "bring the government to its knees." Civil disobedience is powerful because we stand for what is right, not because we get our way or force others to agree with us.

Post #9 was nothing more than a couple of links - but Field Trip is a perfect illustration of the fears that fuel some evangelical voters.

Californians will vote next month on whether only marriages involving one man and one woman should be recognized. Proponents of the measure have argued in television advertisements that children will be taught about same-sex marriage in public schools and that they will be taught that same-sex marriage is equivalent to traditional marriage.

And whatever you think about whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, it didn’t take long for them to be proven right.

In the last few hours before Election Day, I'm adding post #10 & post #11... the tenth post, Reset Button, answers a question from one of my readers about whether it matters what government does or doesn't do regarding same-sex marriage.

But what government chooses to legalize & support does make a difference. (Ding - point to me.)

If it doesn't, then why are so many people getting ready to pop a vein over whether we elect Senator Obama or Senator McCain as president tomorrow? Each one of them will make decisions & sign legislation that will make legal or illegal a variety of activities. They will implement policies that support various causes & industries... and will set the agenda not only for what we discuss about those issues but also how we discuss them.

I entitled the eleventh post Dr. Baird & Big Love, managing to invoke memories of a freshman Logic class & a HBO dramatic series at the same time.

I'll go so far as to tell you that voting for Prop. 8 simply because you're scared of the cast of HBO's Big Love moving in next door to you is a bad idea. That's on par with voting for McCain because you've heard Obama is a Muslim. (He isn't, btw.) We should never be defined by what we're against - instead, we should be defined by what we're for.

Framing the Conversation: Field Trip

From the San Francisco Chronicle... and then some news analysis from GetReligion.org:

Californians will vote next month on whether only marriages involving one man and one woman should be recognized. Proponents of the measure have argued in television advertisements that children will be taught about same-sex marriage in public schools and that they will be taught that same-sex marriage is equivalent to traditional marriage.

And whatever you think about whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, it didn’t take long for them to be proven right.

Against All Odds We're Living Separate Lives

This story begins in the 80's, as all good stories should.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who loved the music of a band named Genesis (thanks to Keith for giving me my first Genesis album, Duke) and esp. liked the song stylings of their 2nd lead singer, Phil Collins. In fact, he liked Phil's songs so much that when he & his roommate (hi, Tim!) converted the empty laundry room/closet in their apartment into a place for his keyboards & computer, he posted the name on the door: "Stu-Stu-Studio." (Yes, it's been 20 years & the high cheese factor still permeates the air of the long-since vacated apartment.)

Then the boy grew up & became a pastor & a married guy & a dad of two young boys who have no idea why their father likes to listen to hook-laden synth-pop with gated drum effects sung by one of the least attractive lead singers in rock'n'roll. (The younger son, to his credit, likes to groove on the beat.)

So, earlier this morning while our hero was working in his office, he slapped (ahem, gently placed) his Phil Collins: Hits CD into the boombox and let the tuneage fly. A number of thoughts flew through his head while he listened:

• Cyndi Lauper did a much better job with "True Colors" than Phil did.
• Phil's adventures into faux '60's R&B have not held up well - shudder.
• Wait a minute - a lot of these songs are musical expressions of the stuff he was talking about last night in his message!

Maybe we better stop & explain: our pastor/husband/dad has been preaching & teaching all summer about soul cravings (thank you, Erwin McManus!) and last night did a summary message on how all of this stuff affects telling people about the love & grace of Jesus Christ.

So when he started hearing lyrics like:

Well I held on to let you go

And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show

There was no way to compromise

So now we’re living

Separate lives

Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation

So you build that wall (build that wall)

Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)

And you make it stronger

Or:

How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave

Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face

And suddenly, songs that once simply reminded our hero of watching MTV in his college apartment or silly movies about dancers defecting while doing tap dance & ballet felt like a lighthouse in the fog - if we don't deal with our real soul craving for intimacy in a healthy way, this is where we end up.

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body. (1 Corinthians 6:16-20, MSG)

And the reality of all that made him very sad... tinged with the hope that someone else might realize that giving away their body and/or their soul to another person will never buy them the community, the love, the care that they long for.