Reconstructing My Faith: Pedigrees, Car Crashes, and Saying Goodbye

Pedigrees

If any try to throw around their pedigrees to you, remember my résumé—which is more impressive than theirs. I was circumcised on the eighth day—as the law prescribes—born of the nation of Israel, descended from the tribe of Benjamin. I am a Hebrew born of Hebrews; I have observed the law according to the strict piety of the Pharisees, separate from those embracing a less rigorous kind of Judaism. Zealous? Yes. I ruthlessly pursued and persecuted the church. And when it comes to the righteousness required by the law, my record is spotless.

But whatever I used to count as my greatest accomplishments, I’ve written them off as a loss because of the Anointed One. And more so, I now realize that all I gained and thought was important was nothing but yesterday’s garbage compared to knowing the Anointed Jesus my Lord. For Him I have thrown everything aside—it’s nothing but a pile of waste—so that I may gain Him. 

Philippians 3:4-8 VOICE 

I'm kind of like the Southern Baptist version of Paul writing to the Philippian church:

• born to parents who were deeply involved in their local SBC church (at one point, Dad was chairman of the deacons and Mom was head of the WMU)
• raised in Sunday School
• attended Training Union, graded choirs, and Royal Ambassadors
• professed my faith in Christ and was baptized at age 7
• sang in the youth choir
• served on the church council as the youth representative
• surrendered to ministry at a Centrifuge camp at Glorieta
• attended and graduated from Baylor University
• led BSU drama ministries at Baylor my junior & senior year
• served two different summers with the Home Mission Board as a summer missionary in Alabama and Colorado
• earned multiple Christian Life Diplomas from the Baptist Sunday School Board 
• Completed MasterLife 1 and 2 as well as PrayerLife and Experiencing God studies
• attended and graduated from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary with a Master of Arts in Religious Education
• taught elementary school Sunday School and led college & career Bible studies
• married a Southern Baptist girl in a SBC church with a SBC pastor
• served as a youth pastor at four different SBC churches (Texas, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Tennessee)
• took students to various state youth camps and Centrifuge camps at many of the "classic" Baptist encampments: Glorieta, Ridgecrest, Siloam Springs, Gulf Shores Baptist Assembly, Jenness Park
• was part of the leadership for State Youth Evangelism Conferences and summer camps (Arkansas)
• wrote teaching materials and articles for a variety of Lifeway publications
• led youth ministry breakout sessions at national SBC youth conventions
• planted and pastored a Gen-X focused church with the cooperation/assistance of the Tennessee Baptist Convention
• consulted with the North American Mission Board on Gen-X focused ministry
• served the Tennessee Baptist Convention on a project identifying and connecting with innovative SBC church plants in Tennessee
• pastored a SBC church in central California for nearly a decade
• served as associational children's camp pastor/director 
• attended three different SBC churches after leaving vocational ministry (two here in Tennessee, one in Texas) - including sitting under the teaching of Ed Stetzer (then the head of Lifeway Research)

And, like Paul, "whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." (v. 7 NIV). A lifetime (nearly 59 years) of being smack dab in the middle of SBC life is, as Eugene Peterson's The Message paraphrase so beautifully puts it, "compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung."

Fender Benders & Actual Crashes

I've been in four vehicle accidents in my lifetime - not counting the brakes of a church bus catching on fire and me backing my Honda Accord into a tree while attempting to impress a girl I was trying to date.

• Two fender benders
• one in college when I zoned out in stop-n-go L.A. traffic and bumped the car in front of me
• one much later in life when I ran into the back of a car in a turn lane
• Two actual accidents (both, not surprisingly, in Nashville)
• one when an uninsured driver ignored the light and turned into the side of my car when I was making a protected left turn
• one when (again!) an uninsured driver sped through the stop light and sent Collin & I spinning (the car was totaled) [pictures above]

I have some other SBC "accidents" that aren't likely to headline anyone's résumé:

• As an elementary school student, we left the church I was baptized in after a powerful and wealthy family forced out the pastor 
• As a summer missionary, I was aghast as one of the elderly godly women in the church emphatically insisted that the "curse of Ham" heresy was Biblical truth
• As a youth pastor, I served a church that had an unwritten rule that the Family Life Center was to close if any black youth came to play basketball
• As a youth pastor, I watched a fellow youth pastor be forced to close down his incredibly successful 5th quarter events because students of the "wrong color" were coming to know Jesus and getting baptized
• As a youth pastor, I was fired (position was "being phased out") and reinstated due to a determined pattern of undermining from youth parents who wanted less discipleship and more kids attending
• As a youth pastor, I was on staff when my pastor was forced to resign due to having an adulterous affair
• As a church planter, our sponsor church fired their pastor (without moral or spiritual cause) and then dismissed the entire deacon board for supporting the pastor... which led to our church plant having to find a new sponsor church
• As a pastor, I resigned after nearly two years of manipulation and pressure - including pressure to hire a spiritually unfit relative to a ministry position in the church

Saying Goodbye

But my choice to support my church's decision to leave the Southern Baptist Convention was not predicated on those fender benders & crashes. And it's certainly not because of the work of International Mission Board or North American Mission Board in reaching people with the good news of Jesus Christ.

Cooperatively, the denomination has done some amazing things - for example, the SBC Disaster Relief system (both funding & volunteers) is a great force for good in the midst of tragedy & difficulty - and without siphoning huge chunks of the donations to support the infrastructure of the program. I mentioned Centrifuge above - this SBC summer camp system not only played a major role in my own spiritual journey but continues to be one of the best high-impact low-manipulation youth camp experiences available.

But I wholeheartedly agree with the decision by the elders of our church to remove us from partnership with the SBC due to long-standing patterns of the cover-up of sexual abuse, abuse of power, continual infighting, and "an increased emphasis on cultural confrontation over redemptive engagement." The narrowing of 'friendly cooperation' this summer at the SBC convention is more confirmation of the wisdom of the decision... as are the continued struggles with dealing with racial reconciliation in a healthy & God-honoring way.

At the same time, I lament with my church's leadership this parting: "It is our desire to work with a denomination that better reflects our beliefs, values, and commitment to spiritual health. This does not mean we will never work alongside SBC churches or entities. It does mean we will no longer be a Southern Baptist church. Make no mistake, this was not an easy decision. Even in clarity we feel sadness, as there are many wonderful people serving the Lord with utmost integrity within the SBC."

For my part, I am immensely thankful for so many Southern Baptists laypeople and leaders who mentored me and showed me what following Jesus looks like "in real life":

• the pastor who prayed with me about surrendering my life to Christ... and baptized me
• the Sunday School teachers who encouraged my desire to learn the Scriptures
• my parents... who modeled sacrificial giving and gracious love
• my first full-time pastor as a staff member... who taught me about hands-on ministry and caring for difficult people
• the BSU staff who gave me opportunities to grow and challenged me to follow Christ
• the seminary professors who not only taught the material but lived out what they believed in the way they related to us as students
• the various deacon bodies and laypeople who showed courage in the face of church politics
• the launch team of our church plant who trusted me to lead them despite me knowing almost nothing
• the second sponsor church who welcomed our fledgling church plant with open arms
• a plethora in friends in ministry through the years who spoke truth and offered companionship throughout the journey

My prayer for my former spiritual home:

• that the SBC will be a people who do justice, and love kindness, and walk humbly with our God. (Micah 6:8 ESV) 
• that the SBC will be a denomination who "give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute, rescue the weak and the needy; [and] deliver them from the hand of the wicked." (Psalm 82:3-4 ESV)
• that racial reconciliation will once again be prioritized in the SBC and not waved away by cynical opposition to discussing CRT (critical race theory) - a smokescreen that winks at racism (and doesn’t actually deal with CRT in any meaningful way.) Our brothers and sisters of color deserve better than a half-baked statement cooked up by six white seminary presidents. 
• that "justice [will] flow like water, and righteousness, like an unfailing stream" (Amos 5:24 HCSB) in the issue of sexual abuse inside SBC churches and the cover-up of that abuse by SBC leaders. The hellish patterns of resignations for "personal reasons"; avoiding asking or answering difficult questions during reference checks; pressuring victims to keep quiet "to protect the church"... all in the name of the "kingdom of God" - must end.
• that the leadership of the convention and individual churches will reflect 1 Timothy 3:2 (NLT): above reproach, exercising self-control, living wisely, and having a good reputation.
• that this renewed commitment to biblical justice and Christ-like character in the SBC will result in more individuals surrendered to Christ, more broken lives redeemed and healed, and more chances to celebrate the goodness of God in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13 NIV)

I finished writing this last night... and woke up this morning concerned that someone would read this and think that I'd somehow rejected my faith or theology. Nothing could be further from the truth. I resonate with Dr. Russell Moore: "The problem now is not that people think the church’s way of life is too demanding, too morally rigorous, but that they have come to think the church doesn’t believe its own moral teachings. The problem is not that they reject the idea that God could send anyone to hell but that, when they see the church covering up predatory behavior in its institutions, they have evidence that the church believes God would not send “our kind of people” to hell. If people reject the church because they reject Jesus and the gospel, we should be saddened but not surprised. But what happens when people reject the church because they think we reject Jesus and the gospel?"

This is the sixth post in a series... if you'd like to read the first five, here they are:

#1: Reconstructing My Faith: Rocks, Dross, and Almonds

#2: Reconstructing My Faith: Syndrome, Mars, and the "F" Word

#3: Reconstructing My Faith: Cheaters, Ice, and Déjà vu

#4: Reconstructing My Faith: Flywheels, Smokescreens, and The Medicine

#5: Reconstructing My Faith: John Wayne, Straight Lines, and the Benefits of Being a Nerd