Open Mic: The Question Nobody Asked

So, why did you & Shari choose to homeschool?

I'm still surprised that no one has asked us about this...

...but I think it's worth answering.

Before I do, however, let's do a quick mental check. Close your eyes (yes, I realize it's difficult to read the blog post with your eyes closed - I trust you can figure it out) and take a close look at the picture in your head of a "homeschooling family." There's a good chance it is a potent mix of survivalist & religious fundamentalist, mixed in with the fashion sense of Betty Suarez & a severe paranoia about any cultural expression that didn't come from Thomas Kinkade or the local Christian bookstore.

Far be it from me to point fingers at you for that picture... the first homeschooling families I ran into as a youth minister nearly 20 years ago pretty accurately matched that description. But I do want to challenge you to take a second look at what you think about homeschooling & homeschoolers.

With that little exercise out of the way, let's move on to my reasons for homeschooling. (I used the word "my" on purpose in the last sentence - Shari & I have some different reasons for homeschooling... and when we do agree, we don't always agree on their priority.)

I realize as I begin this list that some of you will take these points to be an attack on public schooling - which I do not intend. Shari & I both went to public schools and received good to excellent educations. Shari taught 7th/8th grade math in public school for four years & was recognized for her success in teaching students. I have long said that the kids in my youth ministries who were most well-equipped to deal with the world at large were public school kids. (Don't get me started on private Christian schools... or, if you do, someone pull up a soapbox for me to stand on.) So, we didn't approach the decision to homeschool with an anti-public school perspective.

1. Schedule: As a senior pastor of a church, my schedule is (to say the least) wacky. Meetings at night, counseling sessions at odd hours, being "on call" round the clock, funerals monkeying with my carefully planned (ha!) activities... and then there's the whole "Sunday is a work day" thing. So, I was very aware that if my boys went to public or private school, the times that were easiest for me to flex with would be the times they were in school... and their free time would often be my work time. Homeschooling allows me to spend lots of time with them, both helping teach school & (of course) playing boardgames!
2. Educational Quality: Simply put, the chances of our sons getting a high quality education are better at home (where the teacher:student ratio is 2:1) than in a public school (where the teacher:student ratio is 1:20+). Our ability to choose curriculum to fit particular learning styles & needs is substantially higher than a public or private school. We can also use travel in ways that public schools can not to further supplement our boys' education.
3. Spiritual Training: While I long for both of my boys to be well-read, intelligent young men, the most important role I have as a parent is to give them the best possible opportunity to follow Jesus Christ. It's easier for that to happen when Shari & I can spend time with them... and that's easier when we homeschool.
4. Flexibility: I don't think a lot of folks realize that good quality homeschooling doesn't take 8 hours a day - if Braeden is concentrating & working hard, he can do most of his work in 90-120 minutes. (Just think about how much time in school is spent moving people from one place to another, taking attendance, listening to announcements, etc.) That extra 5-6 hours per day allows him lots of time to read, to play outside, to go with me to run errands... and that doesn't even figure in our family's flexibility to travel during the off-season, when prices are cheaper & crowds are less. As well, it allows us to deal with difficult life circumstances without sacrificing education.
5. Values: This is not just about kids - people pick up values from their enviroment, not from what they're taught. (Does any school teach that cheating is OK? No. Does that stop kids from cheating? No. The culture is stronger than the information... and even the chance of punishment.) By homeschooling, we're spending our boys' formative years with them in an enviroment where they are swimming in our value choices. According to research from The Barna Group, most individuals don't radically change their values & beliefs after age 13 - which means that the elementary school years are key!
6. Being Kids: Shari read a book earlier this year entitled Stop Dressing Your 6-Year-Old Like A Skank: and Other Delicate Words of Southern Wisdom by Celia Rivenbark... which made us profoundly grateful that we're raising little boys & not little girls. (The book, btw, is very funny but occasionally off-color.) The pressure from popular culture is for kids to grow up so quickly now - to become little adults in the manner & content of what they consume. Shari & I really want our boys to be kids as long as humanly possible - they will have plenty of time to be adults later.
7. Enjoying Family: Here's something weird & wonderful about homeschooling. Relatively healthy homeschooling families (there are unhealthy ones) seem to enjoy being together more than other families, up into & including their teenage years. I like that.

By now, some of you are wondering about what I'll call "The Two S's"...

• Socialization: A suggestion for conversational safety: do NOT ask a homeschooling parent about the socialization of their children unless you want to get an earful. I'll try to keep the volume down in my response (grin). I think there's a difference between social skills (the ability to hold a conversation, manners, "plays well with others", etc.) and socialization (knowledge of pop culture, how to fit in, finding your cliche, etc.). As well, I believe that lifelong social skills are not as easily developed in the rarified atmosphere of graded schools where you primarily interact with people your own age. Instead, I think that a wide variety of social interaction (church, friends, family, sports teams, gaming, etc.) is at least equally good at preparing kids for life.
• Sheltered: Yes, our boys will be sheltered. You say that like it's a bad thing. And, if it our existence was some kind of locked-down Christian bubble that taught Braeden & Collin that life is a tiptoe through the tulips as long as they go to church every time the doors are open & stay away from anyone who doesn't listen to Christian radio & name-drop inspirational authors, you'd be right. But, as you can probably guess, that's not what we're doing. What we are trying to do is to introduce the difficulties of life & faith at a pace that they can handle, rather than throw them in the pool & see if they can swim.

Two other points, and then I'm done. Well, not really done, as I'm very open to your questions & comments about our choice to homeschool... but you get my drift, right?!

• Should everyone homeschool?: That would be a resounding NO. Not only do life circumstances make it difficult and/or impossible for some folks to homeschool... but in some cases, temperment & personality make homeschooling a complete mess. (We had one family who chose to homeschool in our lives some years back - all of them nifty people, but, shall we say, organizationally challenged. The year they spent homeschooling was almost wasted as they were constantly putting off work.) Any decision to homeschool should be prayerfully undertaken, factoring in family situation and a host of other factors. (In other words, don't do it just because "pastor guy" is doing it!)
• What curriculum do you use?: We use Sonlight Curriculum, which uses a variety of spiritual & "secular" books. (For example, Braeden is currently reading Mr. Popper's Penguins, From Akebu to Zapotec, The Usborne Book of World History, and Leading Little Ones to God.) If you want to see the article that absolutely sold me on Sonlight, check out 27 Reasons NOT To Buy Sonlight on their website. (We also use RightStart Math.)

Open Mic: The New World Slang

How do I tell my friends about Christ in "the new world slang" when they take church as just singing & just a "sunday thing"?

There's a couple of threads tied together in this question... let's try & pull 'em apart so we can craft a meaningful answer.

1. How do I tell my friends about Jesus in a way that doesn't sound "church-y"?
2. Why do people dismiss church as "just a Sunday thing"?

#1

This isn't the first time someone has tried to figure out how best to communicate God's truth to a culture that didn't grow up going to Sunday School at the local Baptist church...

Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "Men of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.' Acts 17:22-28 (NIV)

Notice that Paul hadn't walled himself off into some "Christian" corner of Athens - instead, he had looked around the city & made it a point to find out what the people believed. He was ready to quote their poets in order to communicate clearly the grace of Jesus Christ. He was even willing to concede that they are "very religious" - in part because he didn't think much of religion, esp. for "a good Jewish boy" (Philippians 3:2-11).

In fact, he wrote his "game plan" in his first letter to the Corinthian church:

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it! 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (MSG)

Put those two passages together & you come up with the main reasons people who love Jesus start talking about Him and sound like they've been dipped in "church batter" & lightly fried:

• rather than wander around Athens (or whatever the corner of the world God puts us in) and get to know the culture, we stick our fingers in our ears and chant the spiritualized equivalent of "Nah, nah, nah... can't hear you!" until the world around learns to stay the heck away from the crazy people who say they're Christians
• rather than try to see things from someone else's POV, we put on blinders & assume that the best way to show people truth is to insist that they reject everything & drink the Kool-Aid with us
• rather than go out & serve people with the love of Jesus Christ, we expect them to come to us & join in "doing it the way we've always done it"

So, what should we do instead?

• get to know the culture around us... not so we can be the hippest kid on the block but so we can speak truth into the conversation that's already going on
• listen to others as they talk about spirituality & God... not so we can slam their answers down to the mat but so we can hear where Jesus is moving in their lives & respond appropriately
• serve people outside the walls of church buildings... not as a gimmick but because that's what Jesus did

#2

Which leads naturally to the second question - why is it so easy for people to dismiss "church" as a bunch of people singing & attempting to sit through yet another "exciting" sermon from the pastor? Frankly, it's because we've made a mess of the word, "church" - which never refers to a building in the Bible - instead, it refers to the people. The churches that Paul writes are not quaint little buildings with steeples - they are the ekklesia (Gk. for "called out"), the people drawn to Jesus who've committed to live for Jesus.

You can't "have church". You can't "go to church". We are the church. That's the whole problem. We have turned "church" into this event, this place, this controlled program that people come to like a movie or a theater. We have redefined church to be something so foreign to the New Testament church that in some cases it seems almost unrecognizable. We have taken the mission of the church and turned into a self-focused, self-serving corporation instead of teaching that the church is worshippers of Jesus on a mission together. Dan Kimball (in an interview at Church Planting Village)

The point of inviting people to attend a worship service with us is NOT to get them to "go to church." (As Keith Green aptly noted so many years ago, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.") We invite people to join us in worship so they can experience the presence & power of Jesus Christ.

And when we are loving each other with the love of Jesus, when our meetings are powered not by our denominational preferences but our devotion to God, when what we do on Sunday lines up with how we live the rest of the week (and is culturally applicable to our 24/7 life), then people will hear about Jesus in a way that is compelling & life-changing... and, by His grace, respond.

Open Mic: All Day Singin' & Dinner on the Grounds

This time around, we'll deal with a more "church-y" kind of questions... as always, if you'd like to see all of the Open Mic questions, you can check them out here.

Some background is necessary for this question: the selection of congregational music is an issue for almost every church - regardless of whether they are liturgical/high church or a bunch of "holy rollers" meeting in a storefront. At the church I pastor, we've been transitioning from a "classic" Southern Baptist style (mostly hymns sung from a hymnbook with piano) to a more "contemporary" style (with a variety of choruses, hymns & songs sung backed up by a band.)

For those of you without church background, consider this a peek behind the curtain. (The Great Oz has spoken... he he.) The discussions that occur are not dissimilar to discussions about the relative merits of FLGS vs online stores or (shudder) space operas & "hard" sci-fi.

Why can't we sing some of the old gospel songs out of the hymn book?

This answer is going to sound a bit flippant - but it's not meant that way.

There is nothing stopping you from singing & enjoying whatever kind of worship music you like. Thanks to CDs and video, you can listen to any style of music that is meaningful to you. You just may not get to sing the music you like during every NewLife Community worship service.

Again, I don't mean to sound snide or flippant in that response - you see, the music we do on Sunday morning is not my preferred worship style, either. (The best worship band I've ever experienced was at The Origins Experience in 2004... they played a blend of funk, rock, and R&B with solidly Scriptural lyrics that absolutely spoke to my soul.) I play CD's in my office during the week that resonate spiritually & musically with me.

My first suggestion for anyone who's a part of NewLife is that they should find ways to hear the music that ministers to them, whether or not that happens during the worship service they attend.

But the heart of the question is, I think, "Why don't we sing the songs that I connect with on Sunday morning?" Which, honestly, is a very good question.

The music that Aaron choooses (under my leadership) is chosen with three things in mind:

• lyrics that honor God & reflect the truth of Scripture
• accesibilty to non-Christians & new believers (can they understand what we're singing about and is it in a style that appeals to them?... keep in mind that the median age of our congregation is 29.)
• connection with the theme of the message for that morning

When a hymn out of the hymnal does those things, we're more than happy to use it. I'm equally happy to use something offbeat than no one has ever heard of IF it will help people connect with Scriptural truth.

Aaron & I are emphatically NOT "anti-hymn" - every Sunday morning during Senior Adult Sunday School, I enjoy singing hymns with the folks. We've also done Hymnsing services - where we've spent 90 minutes (or more!) enjoying those older songs together. They are important parts of our heritage of faith.

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary... Beautiful music is the art of the prophets that can calm the agitations of the soul; it is one of the most magnificent and delightful presents God has given us. Martin Luther

But, long before most of us were alive, they were the "flashy new songs" that were replacing the "good old songs" of the faith. (In our denominational background, the vast majority of what we call "hymns" are actually "revival songs", written in the late 19th & early 20th century. ) We need to sing with hearts turned toward Christ... whether it's the latest song of praise (like "Blessed Be Your Name") or the oldest hymn (like my personal favorite, "A Mighty Fortress is our God".)

Heck, just read Psalm 150.

Open Mic: Knock, Knock, Knockin...

There is only one thing I know am going to do in my life. I don't know if I'll be a success, a failure, married, single - but I do know that sooner or later, I'm going to die. The finality of that is kind of like God's little joke. No matter how cool you think you are, you will decompose. Most people live most of their lives ignoring death. Anything that will remind us, we remove from sight. This obsession with immortality is a bizarre thing. What that tells me, though, is we must be immortal. Rich Mullins, quoted in An Arrow Pointed To Heaven

For this edition of "answering the Open Mic questions", we talk about Heaven. (You can see all of the questions at the comments on the original post here online...)

I know that this post is going to be tough going for those of you who are skeptical about Christianity and/or the afterlife. I welcome your questions...

Are there different levels in heaven?

The idea of multiple levels of Heaven:

• a "super-Christian" level for Billy Graham, Mother Teresa & pastors who are not addicted to board games (wink, wink)
• a "regular Christian" level for your average, everyday follower of Jesus
• a "skin of your teeth" level for thos who declared their faith in Christ but then lived like they'd never heard of the Bible (this is probably where board-game obsessed pastors go...)

...shows up in a lot of places. Interestingly enough, it's not Biblical.

The single passage that might be interpeted to suggest a "leveled" Heaven (why do I feel like I'm talking about D&D or World of Warcraft right now?!) is from one of Paul's letters:

I was caught up to the third heaven fourteen years ago. Whether I was in my body or out of my body, I don't know-only God knows. 2 Corinthians 12:2 (NLT)

It's important to note that Paul is probably referring to a common way of denoting "the heavens" during ancient times:

• the first heaven (terrestrial) - the skies
• the second heaven (telestial) - outer space
• the third heaven (celestial) - spiritual Heaven

Please don't mistake the use of the words in parantheses for agreement with Mormon thought on these issues. (My theological disagreements with the LDS church will have to wait for another day - but suffice it to say that they use those words very differently than I do.)

Are there Hostess Twinkies and other wonderfully fattening things in Heaven?

Unless we work really hard to over-spiritualize the multiple references to feasts in heaven (Isaiah 25:6, Luke 22:18, Matthew 8:11, Revelation 19:9, Luke 14:15, etc.), we're going to be enjoying food & drink in Heaven.

Obviously, I can't answer with absolute certainty about Twinkies - but 1 Timothy 6:17 tells us that God "richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." I'm leaning toward a pro-Twinkie (and pro-ice cream!) Heaven.

I heard this saying: all kids go to heaven. Why or why not?

In this short space, I don't think I can do a discussion of the "age of accountability" justice. Instead, let me simply state that I believe that people who are mentally unable to comprehend what it means to follow Jesus Christ with their entire lives are given the grace of God because, well, He's gracious. No act by the child or their guardians is required - if it was, that would interfere with the whole Ephesians 2:8-9 "not of works" thing, right?!

I want to recommend two excellent books to you on the subject:

• Heaven (Randy Alcorn) - which, frankly, is the best book on Heaven I've ever read
• safe in the arms of God (John MacArthur) - which deals specifically with children & death

What will our relationships with other be like in heaven? Will we know others as we did on earth? (i.e. husbands & wives)

This is probably one of the toughest questions to answer - for a couple of reasons:

1. The answer is based, primarily, on one passage of Scripture... I try, as much as possible, to not base my theology off of isolated verses.
2. I don't think the answer I have to give is completely satisfying - to me or to many other folks. I think it's true, but it doesn't answer the question exactly the way I want it to.

But let's get one thing out of the way first - despite some folks teaching otherwise, we will know each other in Heaven. I'll recognize my grandfather & my uncle who died long before I was born & all sorts of other. (Man, I can not wait to hug Arly Ruth & Bro. Beach...) You can check out Isaiah 66:22 and Matthew 26:29 to see this in action.

Of course, there's really two questions when we talk about husbands & wives, right?!:

1. Will there be marriage in Heaven?
2. Will there be sex in Heaven?

The answer to the first question is going to sound a little weird - I believe there will be marriage in Heaven, but it will be the marriage between Christ & his bride - the church.

For this reason a man will leave his father & mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32 (NIV)

To quote Randy Alcorn in his excellent book, Heaven: "The one-flesh union we know on Earth is a signpost pointing to our relationship with Christ as our bridegroom. Once we reach the destination, the signpost becomes unnecessary. That one marriage - our marriage to Christ - will be so completely satisfying that even the most wonderful earthly marriage couldn't be as fulfilling."

Now, it's easy for me to type those words... but I have a pretty wonderful marriage right here & right now. I am deeply, crazily, hopelessly in love with my wife. It's difficult for me to imagine what life would be like without her as my most important relationship... and yet, if I really believe in the existence of God, it seems right that my marriage to Shari would pale in comparison with knowing Him completely.

Like I said earlier, this isn't a teaching I'm particularly fond of... but you have to deal with the what's in the Bible rather than just censor out the parts you don't like. So, whatever answer we come up with has to deal with what Jesus said in some form or fashion.

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. Matthew 22:30 (NIV)

The second question - the "sexy" question - I'll just let my hero, C.S. Lewis, answer:

I think our present outlook might be like that of a small boy who, on being told that the sexual act was the highest bodily pleasure should immediately ask whether you ate chocolates at the same time. On receiving the answer "No," he might regard the absence of chocolates as the chief characteristic of sexuality. In vain would you tell him that the reason why lovers in their carnal raptures don't bother about chocolates is that they have something better to think of. The boy knows chocolate: he does not know the positive thing that excludes it. We are in the same position. We know the sexual life; we do not know, except in glimpses, the other thing which, in Heaven, will leave no room for it. from C.S. Lewis' book, Miracles

Open Mic: Sex, Lies & Videotape

It's time to start answering some of these questions (you can see all of them at the comments on the original post) here online...

Will there be sex in the end times? This question is actually the punchline to a joke/story told by John Ortberg, pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian Church (in the Bay area), who once suggested playfully to his wife (who ran the GenX-targeted service at their previous church) that there are three topics that can always keep the attention of college-age students:

• sex
• the end times
• will there be sex in the end times?

Oddly enough, this punchline can be nicely broken into two questions:

1. What will the end times be like?
2. Regardless of when it occurs (in the midst of Armageddon or not), how should I conduct myself sexually?

Honestly, I'm not sure I have a good answer to the first question. The passages that deal with what I've been blithely referring to as "the end times" are written in apocalyptic language - meaning the authors used gobs of symbolism to communicate their message of impending judgement & redemption. Which means that it's difficult for us to piece together a detailed "battle plan" - in fact, it's rather like reading a Faulkner novel... you know the words mean something but you have a devil of time making sense out of them.

A lot of you have been exposed to the Left Behind series of books by Tim LaHaye & Jerry Jenkins... it's important to note here that their view of the end times (called "pretribulation premillenial dispensationalism" in heavy duty theological terms) is not the only way that evangelical Christians interpet those particular passages. (There's a particularly compelling book by Hank Hanegraaff called The Apocalypse Code that argues for a much different way of looking at all of this.)

With all that said, I can sum up the "feel" of the Biblical texts with the cliche, "It's gonna get worse before it gets better." This, taking a look at the world around us, should surprise no one. The other thing that comes through loud & clear is what one of my professors in seminary called "panmillenialism" - "it's all going to pan out in the end."

Then I saw a new sky (heaven) and a new earth, for the former sky and the former earth had passed away (vanished), and there no longer existed any sea. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, all arrayed like a bride beautified and adorned for her husband; Then I heard a mighty voice from the throne and I perceived its distinct words, saying, See! The abode of God is with men, and He will live (encamp, tent) among them; and they shall be His people, and God shall personally be with them and be their God. God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away. (Revelation 21:1-4 AMP)

I've written a good bit about question #2 over the life of this blog - you can check out the following articles if you're interested:

• Minefield - sex is God's idea
• Minefield Spawns A Question - forgiveness is a beautiful idea
• 9 Years Ago - my personal story about pornography
• Minefield, Part Deux - pornograhpy is a bad idea
• The "M" Word - cuz talking about pornography w/out talking about masturbation is like talking about The Captain without talking about Tenille...

Under what conditions can a believer not tell the truth... or if ever?

Do not tell lies about others. (Exodus 20:16 CEV)

You know, I'm not sure I can get much more clear cut than that... but in case I haven't, let's try another argument on for size:

Followers of Christ want to be like Jesus, right?!

Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:1 NIV)

So, if they want to be like Jesus, let's look at what Jesus/God is like:

This truth gives them confidence that they have eternal life, which God - who does not lie -promised them before the world began. (Titus 1:2 NLT)

God cannot tell lies! And so his promises and vows are two things that can never be changed. We have run to God for safety. Now his promises should greatly encourage us to take hold of the hope that is right in front of us. (Hebrews 6:18 CEV)

And that takes cares of the basics.

But, you say, what about Rahab? What about the Hebrew midwives? What about people in Europe hiding Jews from the Nazis?

I stumbled upon an excellent series of blog posts from Skinniyah on his What's The Skinny? blog entitled Lying & The Bible... he does a bang-up job in part 2 of answering the questions about Rabab & the Hebrew midwives.

As for Nazis... well, let me put it this way. For most of us, the whole issue of "should I lie?" is not wrapped up in saving people's lives from a facist regime. I've come to believe that a lot of the "intellectual discussion" on this topic is pretty much a smokescreen to cover our collective butts.

Name five great flicks I might have missed in the last few years.

OK, this isn't really a question I got - I made it up so I could use the title "sex, lies & videotape." So sue me.

• Holes (It's a Disney film about teenagers that really resonated with me... wowsa. I probably ought to read the Newberry Award-winning book it was based on.)
• Jump Tomorrow (An indie/Sundance-y romance without a cynical bone in it's body... I defy you to not fall in love with the characters.)
• In Good Company (Not a slapstick comedy but an exploration of it means to be a man... Dennis Quaid & Topher Grace both create characters I want to know in real life.)
• Stranger Than Fiction (This is not really for fans of Will Ferrell, as he does very little SNL-ish kind of stuff... instead, he is the key figure in a witty & wise film about life & meaning. It's also slower than you'd originally guess, but it's worth the wait.)
• Zathura (It looked like it was going to be a rip-off of Jumangi... and instead, it was a film with great storytelling, less running from CGI effects, and some thoughtful moments about the consequences of our actions. The success of this film makes me very happy Jon Favreau is directing the upcoming Iron Man movie.)