Super Bowl Urban Legends

I wrote the original version of this post pre-Super Bowl 2005... but the recent proliferation of "Super Bowl Sunday is one of the worst days of the year for sexual trafficking" posts has caused me to rewrite this and quote my pastor (also the head of Lifeway Research) in an addendum at the end of it.

Maybe you grew up hearing tales of Paul Bunyan (and Babe, his Blue Ox). Perhaps your family liked the story of Pecos Bill, his fiance Sluefoot Sue, and his Widowmaker. My favorite as a kid was the story of Johnny Appleseed: a guy who wandered the wilderness planting apple trees. (My exposure to all of these is thanks to Walt Disney, who made some nifty short animated films about American legends.)

Well, legends are still around in our modernized society, but thanks to the magic of the Internet, they spread faster than butter on hot pancakes. (Mmmm... even typing that makes me hungry. Maybe I didn't get a big enough lunch?) They're called "urban legends", and while they may have started with a kernel of truth, they've quickly grown way beyond that into the land of make-believe.

Snopes.com has a great listing of legends that go along with the Super Bowl:

• No, sewage systems have NOT ruptured due to the massive number of flushes at halftime of the big game
• No, women are NOT more likely to be abused on Super Bowl Sunday (this is a particularly evil rumor, as inflating the statistics causes people not to listen when the problem of domestic violence is real)
• No, 2/3's of the avocados sold in the US are NOT sold in preparation for the big game (actually, it's about 5%... and 14%+ for Cinco de Mayo)
• No, there are not less visitors to Disneyland on Super Bowl Sunday (it's roughly the same throughout the early spring)

We've got our own set of "Christian" urban legends that (in many cases) pre-date the Internet:

• the author of the Harry Potter books is NOT a Satanist
• Madlyn Murray O'Hair ISN'T trying to ban religious programming... in fact, she's been dead for 15+ years!
• Proctor & Gamble's star & moon symbol is NOT Satanic... and the CEO of the company has NOT appeared on a television talk show to say that he worship Satan
• Pepsi did not remove the words "under God" when creating a special 'flag' can after 9/11
• Christian pilots are NOT being paired with non-Christian pilots in case of Rapture (good grief...)
• The 12 Days of Christmas is NOT a secretly religious song (double good grief...)

And the list goes on.

Just like the Super Bowl legends are a distraction from enjoying the game (more on how you can do that in a minute), the Christian urban legends distract us from spending our time & energy on chasing after God. Not to mention that they make Christians look a bit "dim" when we forward this stuff around without checking it out.

A suggestion: the next time someone sends you an e-mail with one of these kind of stories, take a minute and run it through the search engines at:

• Snopes.com (not specifically Christian site): 
• TruthorFiction.com (Christian site): 

Our responsibility as people who follow Jesus (the one who is True) is to handle the truth wisely... "Concentrate on doing your best for God, work you won't be ashamed of, laying out the truth plain and simple." (2nd Timothy 2:15, The Message)

Addendum: This is from a great blog post by Ed Stetzer (my pastor) entitled The Superbowl & Sex Trafficking: A Bad Problem That Does Not Need a Bad Statistic.

Sex trafficking will be bad at the Superbowl, because it is bad everywhere. However, we must be careful not to think this is an isolated occurrence. Instead, we need to understand that it is happening in big cities and small towns, here in the United States, and around the world. If you don't think so, read the FBI's excellent page on the subject. Or, look to the State Department briefing for global information.

 

Sex trafficking is real, widespread, and horrible-- I just don't want to use bad (or unverified) Superbowl statistics to fight it. Facts are our friends.

 

Using bad or unverified facts discredits the cause, just as the Superbowl link to domestic violence did not long ago, leading one chronicler of that bad stat to explain, "[though] dramatizations may serve a purpose for some activists, domestic violence is too serious a problem for such exaggerations and opportunism."

 

Simply put, the statistics on sexual trafficking are already horrible-- we don't need unsubstantiated ones.

The Kitchen Sink: Oscar, Joni, the Six Million Dollar Man & "a sad, pale cartoon"

movies

I haven't seen any of the nine Oscar-nominated Best Pictures... and I can only think of a couple of them that I really want to see. Sigh.

music & movies

I wonder how long it's going to take for the mainstream media to figure out that Joni Eareckson Tada (who is singing the Oscar-nominated Best Song from the film Alone But Not Alone) is an evangelical Christian author & speaker... as well as being a quadriplegic. (It's probably no surprise that hearing her speak on suffering & unanswered prayer is much more convincing than, say, some rich white guy with slicked-back hair & an expensive suit.)

 

games

 

I haven't really played with anything on the JavaScript Board Games site... but I think it's just incredibly cool that someone would go back & code old TV and movie tie-in games so we can play them. Granted, they probably stink (most of the ones I've owned over the years certainly do) but it's still a noble endeavor. (I look forward to trying The Six Million Dollar Man: Bionic Crisis game - I remember seeing it in the store when I was a kid. And I was in love with Jamie, the Bionic Woman.)

 

sex & scripture

 

For your (deeper) reading pleasure... an excellent article on whether premarital sex is a sin. (Yes, I know, it's really long and sometimes kinda technical... and a subject that people don't really want to talk about. Whatever you do, don't miss the last paragraph.)

“Sexy” in our culture is a sad, pale cartoon made up of too much cleavage, too little self-respect, too much butt-crack and too many tramp-stamps, and over-tight clothes. “Sexy” testifies to our emptiness, a hunger, but not real desire. Lots of energy, but is it really passion? Lots of smoke, but not a fire to light your life, warm your soul and nourish your heart. The eyes of the goddess are painted, but the eye-holes are empty.



Tim & Rob & Kristen & Me

I've spent the month of October preaching about marriage... and I'm not done yet. We've talked about:

• not giving up (statistically, unhappiness in marriage now doesn't mean you'll be unhappy later)
• biblical submission (which starts not with figuring out "who's in charge?" but with submitting to Christ)
• being best friends (living out the 35+ "one another" commands toward each other)
• speaking the truth in love (letting your spouse speak into your life)

In the next couple of weeks, I'll speak about:

• the dangers of "keeping score"
• the difference between consumer & covenant marriage (with a big tip o'the hat to Tim Keller for so succinctly writing/teaching on this)

Speaking of Tim Keller, a particular passage in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, has been nibbling at the edge of my brain since I read it... and while it's unlikely it'll make it into one of the upcoming sermons, I thought it would be worth sharing with you guys.

One of the most widely held beliefs in our culture today is that romantic love is all important in order to have a full life but that it almost never lasts. A second, related belief is that marriage should be based on romantic love. Taken together, these convictions lead to the conclusion that marriage & romance are essentially incompatible, that is it cruel to commit people to lifelong connection after the inevitable fading of romantic joy. 

I see the same thing Tim Keller sees - a culture that worships romantic love (just take a look at the public obsession with Rob Pattinson & Kristen Stewart) but is convinced that it will burn out and/or blow away. (Again, Rob & Kristen are worth referencing.)

Note: for those of you who live under a pop-culture rock, these two are the leads for the Twilight series of films whose off-screen relationship has been tabloid fodder for years. If you're older (than me, I guess), think Richard Burton & Elizabeth Taylor times ten.

Biblical marriage offers so much more than this. It's not devoid of passion or romance - for those who question that, your homework assignment is to read Song of Songs. In addition to those wonderful gifts of God, it is anchored in the love of Christ - a love the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 describes in this way:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

And it's not cruel to commit people to a lifetime of that kind of marriage... is it?

Addicted To Something Other Than Love

One of my ministry heroes, Ed Stetzer, has been blogging about The Pornification of American Culture recently. So far, he's posted three articles:

• Part 1: Introducing the Issue
• Part 2: Not That There Is Anything Wrong With That
• Part 3: Just the Facts

Of course, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I've written a good bit about this myself... so I decided to not only link to his (excellent) articles but also give you a recap from a 3-year old post, Dear Person Who Googled Porn...

It helps me, as a recovering addict to pornography, to make a couple of things clear to folks:

1. the word addiction explains the compulsive hamster wheel cycle of suck that is porn - it doesn't excuse the way it hurt my wife or my churches, even when they didn't know what was going on
2. talking about porn without talking about masturbation is like discussing peace in the Middle East without discussing religion - which makes it INSANELY difficult to talk about in your typical church setting.

So you don't have to do too much searching, here's the direct links to those articles I've written:

• 9 Years Ago - my personal story about dealing with porn
• Minefield, Part Deux - a summary of my teaching on porn
• The "M" Word - my thoughts about masturbation

Framing the Conversation: Is There An Echo In Here? Redux

This is the third time I've posted this excerpt from Framing the Conversation: How To Get Kicked Out of a Gaming Group... and in light of yesterday's decision by Judge Walker about Prop. 8, it's time to post it once again. It was originally written the night of the election back in 2008.

I want to speak specifically to those who declare themselves as followers of Christ. We have a huge responsibility tonight, esp. in regards to Proposition 8.

If Prop. 8 passes, we have to live out the love for gays & lesbians we've talked about... there is NO ROOM for gloating in the gospel of Jesus Christ. These people are not second-class citizens, to be loved only if they "mend their ways" - they are created in God's image & loved so much by God that He sent Jesus to die for them (and for us!). To do the church-y equivalent of "Hey, Hey, Goodbye" is a sick perversion of the love of Jesus Christ...

If Prop. 8 is defeated, we must still live out the love of Jesus Christ in a political situation that is not friendly to our values. I can not state it emphatically enough - this does NOT justify us behaving in an unfriendly manner to homosexuals or those who support same-sex marriage. If we're gonna call ourselves "biblical Christians", then we better live like it.

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Colossians 4:5-6, NIV)

If someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. (1 Peter 3:15-16, NLT)

The most important thing today is not the election of a particular candidate - no one person will usher in the Kingdom of God. (Well, one will, but He's not running this year.) Nor is it the passing of a proposition - law can compel moral behavior but it has no power over the heart. It is far more important that the world around us see followers of Jesus living in the grace & power of Jesus Christ.

A couple of closing suggestions:

• Strike the phrases "activist judge(s)" (for you conservatives) and "fundamentalist Puritans" (for you not-so-conservatives) from your vocabulary. While there may be some truth to this in some situations, it makes us sound like little kids (or certain unnamed adult gamers) who start accusing people of cheating the minute they start losing. (In gamer terms, this is similar to arguing that a game is "broken" because you couldn't win it using the strategy you thought you should be able to use. Pathetic.)
• Stop gloating/whining. The process isn't done yet (the decision may or may not survive appeals) and we just don't know what is or isn't going to happen.

And a final thought... the best thing you can do to support marriage is to do everything in your power to have a great marriage and/or support those around you in doing the same.

The Porn Event

You can get a large audience together for a strip-tease act -- that is, to watch a girl undress on the stage. Now suppose you came to a country where you could fill a theatre by simply bringing a covered plate on to the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let every see, just before the lights went out, that it contained a mutton chop or a bit of bacon, would you not think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food? And would not anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally queer about the state of the sex instinct among us? C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

From May 23-28, LifeChurch.tv and XXXChurch.com present ThePornEvent.com, a 25-minute interactive experience focused on the real-life effects of pornography. ThePornEvent.com has two segments, one for men and one for women; more details and the schedule can be found at ThePornEvent.com. During ThePornEvent.com we will examine the effect porn has on our lives and relationships, and look at next steps for those who are struggling. Expect a non-threatening environment featuring stories, helpful answers, and an open conversation with people whoʼve traveled a similar path. ThePornEvent.com is for anyone who is interested in what it looks like to live a life beyond pornography.

For those of you who know my story, you're clear on why I'm posting this here. For those of you who don't, you can check out the posts 9 Years Ago, Minefield, Part Deux, & The "M" Word.

I Can't Stop Lov... well, no - Throwing Up

As one of the folks who commented on this Stuff Christians Like post, "this is one of the most disgusting AND poignant posts I've read." Jonathan Acuff (the author) Tweeted it as "XXX, Ray Charles & throwing up," which is a pretty good 6 word summary.

Last Sunday was one of the worst days of my life.

I can say with very little Kent Brockman hyperbole that Sunday, February 14th will live forever on my top ten list of worst days ever.

Why?

Food poisoning.

And then he gets spiritual & honest & authentic... man, I love this guy. Read the whole thing at Stuff Christians Like #711: Throwing Up.

When Did It Start?

So, 70 years ago today Britain & France declared war on Nazi Germany (as required by their treaties with Poland). Germany had crossed the Polish border on September 1st, giving the world a first glimpse of what would come to be called "blitzkrieg" (lightning war).

Traditionally, Sept. 1, 1939 is marked as the "first day of World War 2"... but that ignores the Spanish Civil War, the Anschluss in Austria & the annexation of the Sudetenland. We must also consider that the Japanese invaded China in 1931. (Sadly, too many Americans have narrow "U.S. First" blinders and see the war as beginning on December 7, 1941 with the attack on Pearl Harbor.)

So when did it start? While that may be an important question for history tests, it blithely assumes that we can assign simple cause & effect rules to the decisions of nations & world leaders. I do not believe we can circle a date in red marker & declare it "the beginning point of a cataclysm."

In the same way, I think it's important for those of us who struggle with addictive issues to remember that the battle to stay "clean" (whether not taking the next drink or shoveling the next bit of food into our mouths or clicking on the XXX link) doesn't have a particular starting point. The struggle to avoid a shopping addiction isn't the moment you hand the sales clerk your credit card... it begins much earlier, when you fondle the merchandise on the shelf, or when you get in your car to drive to the mall, or when you begin dreaming about how good it will feel to have something new in a shopping bag. In my case, the battle with porn didn't begin with the pictures or the erotic text - it started in the moments where I felt powerless & tired & unappreciated.

It doesn't even have to be an addiction - for example, the decision to rent a hotel room by the hour & have an adulterous affair doesn't start with handing the hotel desk clerk a wad of cash.

Where does your battle start? Whatever just popped into your head, think again. Maybe it starts a whole lot earlier.

Framing the Conversation: Gallery

Well, the election is just a few days away, so I figured I might make it easier for those of you who have to vote here in California (and some of you who don't live here in the state) to read a series of posts I wrote about same-sex marriage. I entitled the posts "Framing the Conversation" as it was/is my intention to help drive up the quality of discourse, rather than lower it to name-calling & finger-pointing.

The first post was entitled Sushi & Molotov Cocktails - and it's a heartfelt plea for a reasoned view of tolerance.

That means that I can express an opinion about behaviors or beliefs that conflict with someone else's opinion... that's a disagreement, not intolerance. Intolerance would be me finding ways to silence another person before they could speak about those beliefs... or punishing them for doing so.

The second post had the unwieldy title of How to Get Yourself Fired From an Ultra-Traditional SBC Church - it deals with the nature of sexual sin, working to broaden the discussion beyond the barricades war of "gays vs. straights."

This means that we have to approach the conversation in a different way - this is NOT about "homosexuality vs heterosexuality." It is about marriage between a man & a woman vs a plethora of lesser & more destructive options - one of those being same-sex marriage.

Post #3 was entitled NPR Says It Better Than Me and was actually a short post with a link to a very well-written story on NPR's website about the fallout from the redefinition of marriage.

I know that many of you who read this blog - esp. those of you who are bothered by my stance on same-sex marriage - are sure that I've been watching too much Fox News & O.D.ing on re-broadcasts of Focus on the Family.

Please read the following story, Gay Rights, Religious Liberties: A Three-Act Story, at NPR.org.

The fourth post in the series referenced Seinfeld with it's title, Elaine & Puddy - and was an attempt to talk about why I'm talking about this stuff.

Here's the deal... the reason I'm still writing about same-sex marriage is the same reason Dan was writing about hell. If I truly believe that any kind of sexual behavior outside of one man/one woman marriage is sinful & destructive, then if I love people, I'm going to speak up about it.

You may not like what I have to say - you may disagree violently. Heck, you may agree with me but wish I hadn't brought it up because you don't want to think about it or deal with it. But you need to understand that the motivation behind this is NOT hating homosexuals but loving people (hopefully with Christ's love) and wanting them to have the best possible shot at holiness, happiness & wholeness.

The fifth post, Kodak Moment, took us in another direction, as I tried to explain the spiritual significance to evangelicals for a traditional definition of marriage.

So, if that's the picture in the Bible, citing marriage between a man & a woman as a "great mystery" that gives us a picture of the relationship of Christ & His church... should it really be a surprise that redefining marriage is problematic to some of us?

Post #6 had a shout-out title for Dick Clark, It's Got A Good Beat & I Can Dance To It - I'll Give It An 85 - but probably doesn't make me real popular with the more conservative members of my reading audience. Here, I argued that one of the ways we are advocating for Prop 8 is, at best, problematic.

Those of us who support a Biblical view of marriage have to deal with this stuff - we must make our cases without accusing judges of usurping power... when historically, that's the role we have asked the judiciary to play in this country. We've put the courts in the position of the kids on American Bandstand - listen to a snippet & rate the record. It's not fair to accuse them of hijacking the legal system when we're the ones who gave them the headphones.

There's a profound difference between saying that the court acted unwisely or that the principles they used (sexuality as a protected class, for example) are bad law... and saying that the court acted illegally.

The seventh post was entitled My Atheist Friend Has It Right - and he does. This time around, i looked at the ridiculously skewed media coverage of the debate.

Yes, you read that right. In the Los Angeles Times newsroom, 19 percentage points constitute slim, narrow, bare majorities. Gosh, I wonder how the story would be played if the opposite results were found. I know, as Barbie says, that math is hard. But this is truly inexcusable and the Times’ cheerleading in support of same-sex marriage is anything but journalism.

The eighth post, Worms & Jail, was an answer to the question of how the church responds to laws it finds in opposition to the Bible.

When or if we are forced to disobey, we need to do so with great care & godliness. Our disobedience should focus solely on the law in question & not be rebellion against the government or an attempt to use the power of numbers to "bring the government to its knees." Civil disobedience is powerful because we stand for what is right, not because we get our way or force others to agree with us.

Post #9 was nothing more than a couple of links - but Field Trip is a perfect illustration of the fears that fuel some evangelical voters.

Californians will vote next month on whether only marriages involving one man and one woman should be recognized. Proponents of the measure have argued in television advertisements that children will be taught about same-sex marriage in public schools and that they will be taught that same-sex marriage is equivalent to traditional marriage.

And whatever you think about whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, it didn’t take long for them to be proven right.

In the last few hours before Election Day, I'm adding post #10 & post #11... the tenth post, Reset Button, answers a question from one of my readers about whether it matters what government does or doesn't do regarding same-sex marriage.

But what government chooses to legalize & support does make a difference. (Ding - point to me.)

If it doesn't, then why are so many people getting ready to pop a vein over whether we elect Senator Obama or Senator McCain as president tomorrow? Each one of them will make decisions & sign legislation that will make legal or illegal a variety of activities. They will implement policies that support various causes & industries... and will set the agenda not only for what we discuss about those issues but also how we discuss them.

I entitled the eleventh post Dr. Baird & Big Love, managing to invoke memories of a freshman Logic class & a HBO dramatic series at the same time.

I'll go so far as to tell you that voting for Prop. 8 simply because you're scared of the cast of HBO's Big Love moving in next door to you is a bad idea. That's on par with voting for McCain because you've heard Obama is a Muslim. (He isn't, btw.) We should never be defined by what we're against - instead, we should be defined by what we're for.

Porn-Again Christian

Over the next month or so, re:Lit is releasing Mark Driscoll's new book, Porn-Again Christian, over the Web, chapter by chapter. What he's written so far (the introduction & chapter one) is conservative theologically but brutally honest.

Seriously - I can't emphasize enough how much I appreciate Mark's willingness to use rough humor & bracing authenticity to communicate Biblical truth. This is NOT for the faint of heart.

Discussion about this stuff is always welcome here - I'd actually rather talk about sex over politics. (Yes, I'm not your typical pastor.)

Against All Odds We're Living Separate Lives

This story begins in the 80's, as all good stories should.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who loved the music of a band named Genesis (thanks to Keith for giving me my first Genesis album, Duke) and esp. liked the song stylings of their 2nd lead singer, Phil Collins. In fact, he liked Phil's songs so much that when he & his roommate (hi, Tim!) converted the empty laundry room/closet in their apartment into a place for his keyboards & computer, he posted the name on the door: "Stu-Stu-Studio." (Yes, it's been 20 years & the high cheese factor still permeates the air of the long-since vacated apartment.)

Then the boy grew up & became a pastor & a married guy & a dad of two young boys who have no idea why their father likes to listen to hook-laden synth-pop with gated drum effects sung by one of the least attractive lead singers in rock'n'roll. (The younger son, to his credit, likes to groove on the beat.)

So, earlier this morning while our hero was working in his office, he slapped (ahem, gently placed) his Phil Collins: Hits CD into the boombox and let the tuneage fly. A number of thoughts flew through his head while he listened:

• Cyndi Lauper did a much better job with "True Colors" than Phil did.
• Phil's adventures into faux '60's R&B have not held up well - shudder.
• Wait a minute - a lot of these songs are musical expressions of the stuff he was talking about last night in his message!

Maybe we better stop & explain: our pastor/husband/dad has been preaching & teaching all summer about soul cravings (thank you, Erwin McManus!) and last night did a summary message on how all of this stuff affects telling people about the love & grace of Jesus Christ.

So when he started hearing lyrics like:

Well I held on to let you go

And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show

There was no way to compromise

So now we’re living

Separate lives

Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation

So you build that wall (build that wall)

Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)

And you make it stronger

Or:

How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave

Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now, 'cos there's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face

And suddenly, songs that once simply reminded our hero of watching MTV in his college apartment or silly movies about dancers defecting while doing tap dance & ballet felt like a lighthouse in the fog - if we don't deal with our real soul craving for intimacy in a healthy way, this is where we end up.

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body. (1 Corinthians 6:16-20, MSG)

And the reality of all that made him very sad... tinged with the hope that someone else might realize that giving away their body and/or their soul to another person will never buy them the community, the love, the care that they long for.

Framing the Conversation: Elaine & Puddy

The following quote is from Dan Kimball's blog... he was NOT talking about same-sex marriage or even homosexuality. This is from a blog post on preaching about the reality of hell.

I started the sermon giving some examples from pop culture of how we generally portray or think about hell today - from Far Side cartoons with a red devil and pitchfork, to AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" song and then showed a clip from an episode of Seinfeld which is the one where Puddy (Elaine's boyfriend) becomes a "Christian" and listens to Christian music on the radio but then he emotionlessly makes comments to Elaine how she is going to hell and he isn't. He then asks her to steal his neighbors newspaper and he says something like "you're the one going to hell not me, so you might as well steal it". And then she explodes and starts whacking him with the newspaper and says:

"If I am going to hell, you should care that I'm going to hell."

I addressed that when we talk about "hell" it should not be done out of Christian trivia interest or curiosity - but as Elaine stated - if we believe in "hell" then we should be caring about people as why we study this. I specifically stated that only God knows people's eternal destinies and that we cannot say who is or isn't going to hell. It is not a subject to treat lightly or something to ignore. The subject of hell and judgment is written in many places in the New Testament, so I really don't see how we can be skipping it or ignoring the exploration of what these Scriptures and teachings mean. I am not sure how pastors or churches can't address the topic of hell and judgment because of its frequency of being mentioned in the New Testament. I feel odd blogging about hell. But if we do believe in hell, and we believe that people are created in God's image who would then be experiencing judgment and hell - it should make us grieve, and hurt, be in great concern, care, praying, and doing whatever possible we can to be on the mission of Jesus living out and communicating the gospel to people.

Here's the deal... the reason I'm still writing about same-sex marriage is the same reason Dan was writing about hell. If I truly believe that any kind of sexual behavior outside of one man/one woman marriage is sinful & destructive, then if I love people, I'm going to speak up about it.

You may not like what I have to say - you may disagree violently. Heck, you may agree with me but wish I hadn't brought it up because you don't want to think about it or deal with it. But you need to understand that the motivation behind this is NOT hating homosexuals but loving people (hopefully with Christ's love) and wanting them to have the best possible shot at holiness, happiness & wholeness.

I want to paraphrase Dan as a challenge to those folks who are campaigning for the Protect Marriage amendment: if we do believe in marriage, and we believe that people are created in God's image who would then be experiencing judgment and hell because of the choices they make regarding sex & marriage - it should make us grieve, and hurt, be in great concern, care, praying, and doing whatever possible we can to be on the mission of Jesus living out and communicating the gospel to people.

Framing the Conversation: NPR Says It Better Than Me

I know that many of you who read this blog - esp. those of you who are bothered by my stance on same-sex marriage - are sure that I've been watching too much Fox News & O.D.ing on re-broadcasts of Focus on the Family.

Please read the following story, Gay Rights, Religious Liberties: A Three-Act Story, at NPR.org.

The defendants' attorney, Jordan Lorence at ADF, says that of course a Christian widget-maker cannot fire an employee because he's gay. But it's different when the company or a religious charity is being forced to endorse something they don't believe, he says.

"It's a very different situation when we're talking about promoting a message," Lorence says. "When it's 'We want to punish you for not helping us promote our message that same-sex marriage is OK,' that for me is a very different deal. It's compelled speech. You're using the arm of the government for punishing people for disagreeing with you."

Framing the Conversation: How To Get Yourself Fired From An Ultra-Traditional SBC Church

I'd originally titled my first draft of this as "This Is The Post Your Mother Warned You About"... then I realized that I would write with more clarity & grace if I broke that monster into smaller bite-sized pieces. Mind you, this is not my author-ish equivalent of cutting up your steak for you. This is the author-ish equivalent of me deciding I didn't want to try and stuff a 10 oz porterhouse in my mouth all at one time.

And now that we're all longing for some A-1 and a baked potato, here's the first in a series of posts to discuss same-sex marriage I'm calling "Framing the Conversation." I don't intend them to be the Last Word on the subject - but I do hope they will help direct the dialogue into some new territory.

I've actually been fired from a ministry position. OK, that's not the way the Personnel Committee phrased it - they favored the weenie dodge of "we're eliminating your youth minister position in three months for financial reasons" which had the equivalent effect. Either way, I don't have a job & you guys just spent the last 45 minutes telling me about all the mistakes I've been making as youth minister while my senior pastor sits there like a bump on a log. (Table ready for Bitter, party of one... we can seat you right now.)

One of those "mistakes" (if you want to hear more of the story, you can check out How The Heck Did I End Up Here?) was some teaching I'd done about sexual sin. I'd explained to the youth that adultery (a husband or wife engaging in a sexual relationship outside their marriage) and homosexuality (a man or woman engaging in a sexual relationship with someone of their own sex) were both sins - and that one wasn't more or less sinful than the other. BTW, the "mistake" wasn't the content what I taught - it was that the teaching itself cut a little too close to the bone for one of the committee members.

But that teaching is at the heart of anything else that I write about same sex attraction & marriage. I really do believe that:

• pornography
• heterosexual sex between two unmarried people (fornication)
• prostitution
• heterosexual sex between a married person & someone who is not their spouse (adultery)
• polygamy
• group sex
• homosexual sex

...are all sexual sin of equivalent weight, regardless of the orientation and/or inclinations of the person(s) involved. They may have different consequences in a temporal sense - what effect they have during our lives on this earth - but they all have the same spiritual consequence. A quick example to clarify: someone who downloads pornographic pictures is less likely - at least at the early stages of the behavior - to have less emotional & physical health consequences than a prostitute. But both the streetwalker & the upstanding businessman with a hard drive full of downloaded videos are in the same boat spiritually - they've sinned.

Sin, btw, is not simply "doing bad stuff" or "doing stuff Mark doesn't like" or "doing stuff that is distasteful to someone/thing who has set themselves up as a moral authority." Man, I wish it was that easy - we could just change authority figures & get a new set of rules to live by.

According to Ephesians 2:1, you were "dead in your trespasses & sins." The two Greek words are paraptoma (trespasses) and hamartia (sins). The definition of paraptoma means "to go off the path, to wander," while hamartia means to "miss the mark or target." The implication is that sin is failing to be the people we were designed to be - people of purity & honor & integrity.

I'll get into this in more detail in another post, but God created man & woman and the marriage relationship not only for our pleasure & for procreation, but also to act as a picture of His love for us... and same-sex marriage warps that picture just as surely as adultery does. We've missed the mark... we are, as the old hymn writer put it, "prone to wander."

This means that we have to approach the conversation in a different way - this is NOT about "homosexuality vs heterosexuality." It is about marriage between a man & a woman vs a plethora of lesser & more destructive options - one of those being same-sex marriage.

Framing the Conversation: Sushi & Molotov Cocktails

In the next few days, I plan to write about some pretty heavy-duty stuff that co-mingles theology, politics & sex... which means I might as well make a sign that says "Flame War - Y'All Jump Right In" in neon letters for the front page of the blog.

So, in order to preempt some of the potential problems I'm about to create, I want to go a couple of quick rounds with a dictionary to make sure we all are using one word correctly.

The word "tolerance" is defined in the Merriam-Webster online dictionary as:

• a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own
• b: the act of allowing something

That means that I can express an opinion about behaviors or beliefs that conflict with someone else's opinion... that's a disagreement, not intolerance. Intolerance would be me finding ways to silence another person before they could speak about those beliefs... or punishing them for doing so.

In real world terms, it's the difference between me thinking that people who eat sushi are nutballs on a chopsick for eating uncooked fish & me censoring any mention of California Rolls or throwing molotov cocktails into sushi bars...

There, that's taken care of...

Dear Person Who Googled "Porn"...

I've said nice things about Stuff Christians Like before... but I need to make sure y'all are aware of a couple of posts that Jon (the author of SCL) put up there - partly because it's stuff I struggle with & partly because he writes about it with such humor & passion & grace.

#172: Letting porn win.

When I was in the eighth grade, I used to pretend to go sledding at the dump so that I could find porn the workers kept in the bulldozers there.

There are 12 billion reasons for me to write that sentence and 2 for me to not write it. The two are my in-laws, as this is bound to be the kind of post you hate for your mother-in law to read. And the ladies in her bible study aren't much better. But every year, the porn industry makes something like $12 billion a year. So there we are.

Dear person that googled "porn" and got me.

First, let me say that searching for porn and landing on this site must suck. Honestly, if I had searched for that (which I have before) and landed on a site that specialized in comparing GI Joe characters to the Bible, I would have left instantly. And you did. The average visit by someone looking for porn is 7 seconds long.

But have you stopped to think about how crazy it is that you landed here?

When you search the phrase "porn" in Google, you get 252,000,000 results. There are a quarter billion web pages you can land on, so how did you get to mine? I guess we could say it's coincidence or that maybe you already looked at the other 251,999,999 other pages and mine was the last available. But you probably already know what I'm going to say - maybe it was God. God is weird and wild like that and I think He loves getting people to end up in different places than they expected. But let's not talk about God right now.

I responded in the comments section of his blog:

It helps me, as a recovering addict to pornography, to make a couple of things clear to folks:

1. the word addiction explains the compulsive hamster wheel cycle of suck that is porn - it doesn't excuse the way it hurt my wife or my churches, even when they didn't know what was going on
2. talking about porn without talking about masturbation is like discussing peace in the Middle East without discussing religion - which makes it INSANELY difficult to talk about in your typical church setting.

I don't claim to be a genius at this stuff, but I've written a good bit about my personal experiences & teaching on my blog, aka pastor guy - you're welcome to follow the link and/or ignore it.

Jon, thanks for keeping this issue smack dab in the middle of this blog - sadly, this is stuff way too many Christians like.

So you don't have to do too much searching, here's the direct links to those articles I've written:

• 9 Years Ago - my personal story about dealing with porn
• Minefield, Part Deux - a summary of my teaching on porn
• The "M" Word - my thoughts about masturbation

Jump Cuts

1. Sorry that I haven't finished up all the Five & Dime stats... work has begun on the final 5 posts, but they probably won't start publishing until Monday.
2. The NFL got muscled by some politicians - and now it's OK for churches to have Super Bowl parties. Man, I still don't get why it took this long to get straightened out. (Here's a post from on it from last year.)
3. Speaking of churches, there's a church in Tampa that's doing a 30 day Sex Challenge. They're urging single folks to not engage in sexual activity for 30 days - and for married folks to "engage" for 30 days. (I'm guessing the 2nd one causes more interesting discussions... want to know more about what I think about sex? Check out this post... and this one... and this one.)
4. The Fresno Gamers are moving to Tuesday nights for the month of March to see if that will work better for more of our members. If you're in Fresno (or just drop by for a visit), come & join us!
5. Finally, speaking about jump cuts: I wish I could find CD versions of Prodigal's three albums - Prodigal, Electric Eye & Just Like Real Life (Jump Cut). Wait a minute! I should check iTunes!

Open Mic: Knock, Knock, Knockin...

There is only one thing I know am going to do in my life. I don't know if I'll be a success, a failure, married, single - but I do know that sooner or later, I'm going to die. The finality of that is kind of like God's little joke. No matter how cool you think you are, you will decompose. Most people live most of their lives ignoring death. Anything that will remind us, we remove from sight. This obsession with immortality is a bizarre thing. What that tells me, though, is we must be immortal. Rich Mullins, quoted in An Arrow Pointed To Heaven

For this edition of "answering the Open Mic questions", we talk about Heaven. (You can see all of the questions at the comments on the original post here online...)

I know that this post is going to be tough going for those of you who are skeptical about Christianity and/or the afterlife. I welcome your questions...

Are there different levels in heaven?

The idea of multiple levels of Heaven:

• a "super-Christian" level for Billy Graham, Mother Teresa & pastors who are not addicted to board games (wink, wink)
• a "regular Christian" level for your average, everyday follower of Jesus
• a "skin of your teeth" level for thos who declared their faith in Christ but then lived like they'd never heard of the Bible (this is probably where board-game obsessed pastors go...)

...shows up in a lot of places. Interestingly enough, it's not Biblical.

The single passage that might be interpeted to suggest a "leveled" Heaven (why do I feel like I'm talking about D&D or World of Warcraft right now?!) is from one of Paul's letters:

I was caught up to the third heaven fourteen years ago. Whether I was in my body or out of my body, I don't know-only God knows. 2 Corinthians 12:2 (NLT)

It's important to note that Paul is probably referring to a common way of denoting "the heavens" during ancient times:

• the first heaven (terrestrial) - the skies
• the second heaven (telestial) - outer space
• the third heaven (celestial) - spiritual Heaven

Please don't mistake the use of the words in parantheses for agreement with Mormon thought on these issues. (My theological disagreements with the LDS church will have to wait for another day - but suffice it to say that they use those words very differently than I do.)

Are there Hostess Twinkies and other wonderfully fattening things in Heaven?

Unless we work really hard to over-spiritualize the multiple references to feasts in heaven (Isaiah 25:6, Luke 22:18, Matthew 8:11, Revelation 19:9, Luke 14:15, etc.), we're going to be enjoying food & drink in Heaven.

Obviously, I can't answer with absolute certainty about Twinkies - but 1 Timothy 6:17 tells us that God "richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." I'm leaning toward a pro-Twinkie (and pro-ice cream!) Heaven.

I heard this saying: all kids go to heaven. Why or why not?

In this short space, I don't think I can do a discussion of the "age of accountability" justice. Instead, let me simply state that I believe that people who are mentally unable to comprehend what it means to follow Jesus Christ with their entire lives are given the grace of God because, well, He's gracious. No act by the child or their guardians is required - if it was, that would interfere with the whole Ephesians 2:8-9 "not of works" thing, right?!

I want to recommend two excellent books to you on the subject:

• Heaven (Randy Alcorn) - which, frankly, is the best book on Heaven I've ever read
• safe in the arms of God (John MacArthur) - which deals specifically with children & death

What will our relationships with other be like in heaven? Will we know others as we did on earth? (i.e. husbands & wives)

This is probably one of the toughest questions to answer - for a couple of reasons:

1. The answer is based, primarily, on one passage of Scripture... I try, as much as possible, to not base my theology off of isolated verses.
2. I don't think the answer I have to give is completely satisfying - to me or to many other folks. I think it's true, but it doesn't answer the question exactly the way I want it to.

But let's get one thing out of the way first - despite some folks teaching otherwise, we will know each other in Heaven. I'll recognize my grandfather & my uncle who died long before I was born & all sorts of other. (Man, I can not wait to hug Arly Ruth & Bro. Beach...) You can check out Isaiah 66:22 and Matthew 26:29 to see this in action.

Of course, there's really two questions when we talk about husbands & wives, right?!:

1. Will there be marriage in Heaven?
2. Will there be sex in Heaven?

The answer to the first question is going to sound a little weird - I believe there will be marriage in Heaven, but it will be the marriage between Christ & his bride - the church.

For this reason a man will leave his father & mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32 (NIV)

To quote Randy Alcorn in his excellent book, Heaven: "The one-flesh union we know on Earth is a signpost pointing to our relationship with Christ as our bridegroom. Once we reach the destination, the signpost becomes unnecessary. That one marriage - our marriage to Christ - will be so completely satisfying that even the most wonderful earthly marriage couldn't be as fulfilling."

Now, it's easy for me to type those words... but I have a pretty wonderful marriage right here & right now. I am deeply, crazily, hopelessly in love with my wife. It's difficult for me to imagine what life would be like without her as my most important relationship... and yet, if I really believe in the existence of God, it seems right that my marriage to Shari would pale in comparison with knowing Him completely.

Like I said earlier, this isn't a teaching I'm particularly fond of... but you have to deal with the what's in the Bible rather than just censor out the parts you don't like. So, whatever answer we come up with has to deal with what Jesus said in some form or fashion.

At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. Matthew 22:30 (NIV)

The second question - the "sexy" question - I'll just let my hero, C.S. Lewis, answer:

I think our present outlook might be like that of a small boy who, on being told that the sexual act was the highest bodily pleasure should immediately ask whether you ate chocolates at the same time. On receiving the answer "No," he might regard the absence of chocolates as the chief characteristic of sexuality. In vain would you tell him that the reason why lovers in their carnal raptures don't bother about chocolates is that they have something better to think of. The boy knows chocolate: he does not know the positive thing that excludes it. We are in the same position. We know the sexual life; we do not know, except in glimpses, the other thing which, in Heaven, will leave no room for it. from C.S. Lewis' book, Miracles

85% Of A True Story

Just finished Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself To Live: 85% Of A True Story... which reminds me a bit of Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation and Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts.

Let's play a matching game! Which one of these books contains:

a. the author's neurotic worries about being compared to Dave Eggers & Nick Hornsby

b. the author's musings about simply "moving for motion's sake"

c. the author teaching their nephew to be morbid

I find I like these kind of books - offbeat travelouges that morph into a cross between personal introspection & social commentary. Klosterman (a) is a writer for Spin magazine, so his book is laced with expletives, drug use, and obscure rock references, including an entire chapter on how the band KISS is the perfect template for his romantic life. Vowell (c) is a commentator for NPR and uses trips to track down the history of the first three presidential assassinations as a jumping off point for political & social commentary, leavened by her razor sharp wit. Miller (b) is a follower of Christ who uses his road trip from Texas to Oregon to ponder the meaning of his life and the presence of God.

Now, would I recommend Killing Yourself To Live? Well, not if you're easily offended - it's a pretty relentless drumbeat of R-rated behavior with very few echoes of Jesus. For me it's mainly a picture of how empty life can get, held together with pop culture references, fine writing & wry humor.

OTOH, everybody needs to read the following quote... Chuck absolutely NAILS it. I'm gonna use this quote the next time I preach on marital faithfulness.

Don't ever cheat on someone. I'm serious. It's not worth it... The reason you should never cheat on someone is because you won't enjoy it. No matter which person you're with, you'll always be thinking of the other one. You will never in the romantic present tense; your mind will solely exist in the past and the future. Let's say you sleep with your mistress on Friday & your wife on Saturday: To an epicurean, this is the dream lifestyle. This is sexual utopia. But it never works that way. When you're having sex with your mistress on Friday, you will find yourself thinking about your wife. You will be thinking about how this act would destroy her, and how humiliated she would feel if she knew the truth. But then on Saturday, when you're back in the arms of your trusting wife, your mind will immediately drift toward decadence. At the height of your physical passion, you will think back to how exciting things were 24 hours ago, when you were with a new, strange body. Except that it wasn't exciting to be with someone else; it's only exciting in your memory (at the time, it just made you wracked with guilt). So now you're having sex with someone who loves you, but your mind isn't even in the same room. And suddently it's Sunday; you have now had sex with two people on two consecutive nights, and you didn't appreciate either episode.

Of course, this is the same guy who relates the story of the first time he did cocaine with two-half naked strippers, so don't go basing your theology on the book.

The "M" Word

Shari (my wife) was a math major. (She'd tell you that her major was because she hated writing papers, but she was/is actually a very good math teacher. And, no, "math" is not the "m" word from the title.) But even math majors have to take core liberal arts courses... and so she found herself in a class (Health?) with a guest lecturer on human sexuality, who advocated a number of "interesting" ideas, not the least of which was that the safest sex is "making love with the person you love the most - yourself."

Well... ok, then.

As I wrote last week, I struggled with talking about masturbation during my message Sunday morning on lust & pornography. It felt dishonest to deal with the topic without actually bringing the physical sexual activity that accompanies the use of visual and/or emotional pornography. And yet, I knew that discussing masturbation would mean that the rest of my sermon would end up sounding like Miss Othmar from the Peanuts TV specials - "Wha wha wha wha wha..."

So, I decided to offer my thoughts & opinions here on the blog. (BTW, this is the cue for some of you to quietly sneak out before finishing the article. Those of you who came here looking for gaming content will be sorely disappointed today. I'll take care of y'all tomorrow.)

• The Bible doesn't say anything specific about masturbation - and if somebody brings up Onan, tell them to read the story, for crying out loud.
• Calling masturbation "self-abuse" or perpetrating old wives tales is beyond not helpful.
• For a long time, I personally believed that the physical act of masturbation was morally neutral. In other words, if you could "indulge" without resorting to fantasy and/or pornography, it was no big deal. Of course, I knew that 99.9% of people don't satisfy those conditions - almost by definition, masturbation & lustful thoughts are linked.
• I've come to believe, however, that the biggest problem with masturbation is that it teaches people to make the orgasm/release the highest value in sex. When we go that direction, our expectations slide toward "take care of me" rather than the mutuality that Paul clearly teaches in 1 Corinthians 7.
• The adrenaline & endorphin release that accompanies orgasm can easily become addictive - I know. That was the story of my own sexual addiction issues for a number of years.
• So, if the Biblical admonition is to "avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thessalonians 4:3), then we need to carefully examine whether our choice for "self-gratification" leads us toward or away from lust.
• I guess it's pretty obvious that I think it does.
• And, as I write all this down, I'm well aware that many of you are recoiling from my conclusions... working to dismiss me as a Bible-thumping yahoo or one of those nutty "recovering addicts" who can't simply deal with his own junk but instead has to make sure everyone else makes the same choices he has. Look, this is up to you - but I encourage you to look at the subject through a different lens than we usually use: how would your spouse or potential spouse view your satisfying your "urges" through fantasy & masturbation? (Once again, you need to take a look at Paul's teachings, excerpted below.)
• Finally, is it easy to choose not to masturbate? I'm not going to lie to you - it's not. But just because something is difficult doesn't make it impossible and/or a bad idea.

Here's some quotes on the subject:

• Frequent masturbation can... form us in strange & false understandings of sexuality -- not the least the idea that sexual pleasure is an individual, and individualistic, undertaking. Masturbation teaches us that immediate gratification is a part of sex, and masturbation removes sex from a relationship. Indeed, the whole point of masturbation is to provide the release and pleasure of orgasm without the work & joy of a relationship. Laura Winner, Real Sex
• A man has only so much sexual energy. Especially once he's past his sexual peak and easing into his thirties, it's not easy to reach orgasms two or three times a day. Many men are drawn to pornography because it's an emotionally and physically easier route to sexual satisfaction than pleasing her. Yet pornography further drains men of sexual and emotional energy. In the 2004 Elle-MSNBC.com poll, 45 percent of men who used Internet pornography for five or more hours a week said they were masturbating too much, and one in five confessed they were having sex less often with their partners. Which isn't surprising, given that 35 percent said real sex just couldn't compare to cybersex anymore. Pamela Paul, Pornified
• It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality--the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting--but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence--only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. 1 Corinthians 7:2-6 (The Message)

Oddly enough, last night on The Late, Late Show, host Craig Ferguson got into a very PG-13 rated discussion about masturbation with author Frank Court. (Frank argued that masturbation is economically productive for the church... huh?!) Ain't the world weird?